Yesterday, I ended my post by asking a question: ‘what does letting go look like for me? What or whom do I need to let go of?’ Today, I’ll do my best to answer that question. As I stated in yesterday’s post, the act of ripping open your heart and allowing others to step up and take a peek within is never fun or easy, and I might add, it’s a little bit scary. I’ve found that being raw and transparent sometimes results in offending, angering or turning off other people. So at the risk of perhaps doing that, here I go.
As the believing wife of an unbelieving husband, I need to let go of my dream of having a loving marriage to a man who knows and loves and lives for Jesus and who would give me incredible joy by serving Him alongside of me; a husband who really LOVES ME, and just doesn't stay with me because it’s perhaps easier, cheaper and less messy than divorcing me. I need to let go of my dream of a happy family with kids who know and love and live for Jesus because they have a mother and father who are on the same page as tandem spiritual leaders in the home and can model His love, grace, mercy and forgiveness to them. I need to let go of my fear of a recurrence of cancer somewhere else in my body, a fear that I keep well hidden from others, but one which I’m constantly aware of hanging over my head. I need to let go of my family into God’s hands. I need to let go of all the hurt, humiliation and rejection I feel because of them, all the anger, bitterness, frustration, disappointment and most of all, the unforgiveness I feel towards them. I’ve tried, but it hasn’t been easy, due in part to some particularly difficult and dysfunctional family dynamics, as well as the aforementioned fact that my husband and I are spiritually unequally yoked. This may sound harsh, but as dearly as I love my family, I often feel as if they are the enemy and there are days I have to wonder just what in the world God is doing. Does He not see what’s going on here? Has He not heard my cries and pleadings for help and change and deliverance? What’s He waiting for? How long ’til He steps in and does something??!! It’s as if my expectations of what could be and the reality of what is are engaged in a continual, fierce battle...and reality seems to be winning.
However, let me assure you right now that all of this is NOT to say that these dreams and expectations may never come to fruition some day. Please don’t think for one minute that I believe or want anyone else to believe that letting go is parallel to or equated with giving up. It is not. There is ALWAYS hope, for as Jesus told His disciples, “All things are possible with God.” But for now, God’s still, small voice continues to invade my heart, mind and soul as He tells me: “Everything you’re holding onto -- let it go. Let go of the dreams and the overly high expectations, dear one. Let go of your family…and leave them to Me. Let go of the control you think you possess. Let go of your fears, your doubts, your despair, your anxiety. Let it all go and give it all over to Me. I have so much more for you, but you can’t receive it until your hands are open and free!”
There are lessons to be learned in letting go. Like learning to be content with the life I’ve been given by Him, and being satisfied with that great, unfailing, no strings attached love He has for me. Learning to keep my hands in an open position and to be on the lookout for the unexpected blessings that God has in store for me along the way. Lessons of trust and of patience, knowing and believing that God does indeed have plans for my life, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, but instead, to give me a hope and a future; plans that will ultimately bring Him glory -- yet these are lessons I struggle to learn every day.
Maybe this is your struggle, too. What are you afraid to let go of and surrender to God today? Some thing or someone? A hidden sin or addiction? A prodigal child? A broken dream, marriage or relationship? A broken heart? Something that has long since died and yet you keep holding onto its hard, cold, lifeless corpse. Won't you join me in allowing God to gently, but firmly, pry our hands, finger by finger, off whatever it is we're holding onto so tightly? Won't you join me in allowing God to empty our hands of something dead so that He can refill them with something alive and good and glorious and wonderful?
Look at these knuckles
They've gone white
I'm fighting for who I wanna be
I'm just trying to find security
But You say let it go, You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the ones who lose control
You say You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life, it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go. ~ ‘Let It Go,’ by Tenth Avenue North