The Journaling Genesis

My bloggy BFF Dawn, over at Beneath The Surface  and HER bloggy pal Susie, from Recovering Church Lady  have joined forces (picture a bloggy Justice League!) to create "Random Journal Day" (insert fanfare here), where those of us out here in the blogosphere who also journal can select a random entry from one of our journals (be it new or ancient) and share it with each other.


I must admit, I initially balked at Dawn's invitation to give it a shot, post an entry and link up.  Who, me?  Really?  I know this sounds ridiculously childish. Because it is.  I mean, c'mon -- what's the big deal?  Here I am with a blog to which I frequently post stories of tears, fears, joys, victories, blessings and burdens -- and sometimes, things I'd much rather keep hidden away in the deeper, darker recesses of my heart and soul.  So what's the problem? 


Maybe I'm afraid that I'm not going to do this linking up thingie right. I've never done that before.  It's all new to me, and while I know that change is good, I generally shy away from it. 

Or maybe it's because I'm slightly embarrassed. When I began journaling in earnest, back in 2002, I hadn't really written ANYTHING since my high school days (way back before there was electricity, according to my darling teen daughter).  Looking over these early journal entries, they look so....crude, adolescent and amateurish.  I shared with Dawn that to me, this was akin to me jumping off the high dive -- but not being able to swim, while the hunky lifeguard is distracted, totally engrossed in convo with some little bikini babe.


But -- enough whining and hedging. I'm holding my breath and diving in!

Ok, seriously now....how pathetic is THIS?? My first journal
and this is what I grabbed for?  My creative spirit must have
been in a dead slumber at that moment.  Not a picture or sticker
to be found on this bad boy. 

November 7, 2002 -- My first journal and an entry made two weeks after receiving my diagnosis of an aggressive form of breast cancer at age 45 AND less than a year after coming to know Jesus as my Savior.  A dear friend who was my neighbor and the director of my children's preschool, had been given her own cancer diagnosis not long before mine.  She encouraged me to start a journal, simply writing down what was going on in my life, what I was thinking and how I felt, etc.  But it actually became so much more than that; it became my journey to a closer walk with Jesus:


"Happiness comes from smooth and happy circumstances; but real joy comes from trusting in Christ.  Joy is a quiet confidence, an inner peace that comes from knowing Christ.  We can lose our happiness when trouble comes into our lives -- and it WILL come! -- but it can't take our joy away.  As long as we have faith, hope and trust in the Lord, and continue to seek His face.


The most powerful testimony I can give is a godly life -- to let my life be an example of Jesus and His love.  Especially now, with this diagnosis of breast cancer.  What a curve ball I've been hit with that could fell me if I let it.  I could turn inward and become an angry, bitter person, shaking my fist at God and handing out engraved invitations to my pity party.  Or, I could give this ALL to the Lord -- leaning on Him, trusting that He knows what's best for me, and showing everyone, by how I present myself to them, (how I talk and how I react to the sure-to-come difficult situations), that Christ is in me.

Wow -- that was 10 years ago, and I'm happy to say, I'm still cancer-free, praise God!  But WHAT a long, unexpected journey that turned out to be. There were lots of dark, mountainous roads, pitfalls and scary detours.  Many, many times my walk with Christ looked more like a limp and on my worst days, a slow crawl. Yet those were the days that I felt His Presence the most, carrying me through.  And there were also so many joys, blessings, victories and lessons learned along the way. Journaling through it all helped me to keep my perspective -- my mind centered on what and Who was most important, my eyes on Jesus.


I often wonder what my life would have looked like, dealing with cancer, had I turned down Jesus's invitation to come to Him and turned away from His promise that "you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13), choosing instead to do it all on my own.


I shudder to think of how things could have turned out. And thank God for how they actually did.     

My Precious Moments keepsake statue; a gift from a friend
during my time in Cancer Land. It's called, appropriately
enough, "Life Is Worth Fighting For."

And even though I’m walkin’ through 
The valley of the shadow 
I will hold tight to the hand of Him 
Whose love will comfort me 
And when all hope is gone 
And I’ve been wounded in the battle 
He is all the strength that I will 
Ever need 
And He will carry me ~ He Will Carry Me, by Mark Schultz