I have been battling a depression of sorts, off and on lately. More on than off. With it comes feelings of emptiness, loneliness, doubt and anxiety. I've had a suggestion or two from some friends as to what might be the cause. But much of it, I think, comes from the fact that deep down inside, I am still struggling to believe that God truly loves me. That I am worth something in His eyes.
After all that God has done for me -- the healing of diseases and disorders; the provision I've experienced that I know could have ONLY come from Him; His protection of me when I was in danger (whether or not I was aware of the danger at the time); the gifts with which He has blessed me, tangible and intangible; the times God has revealed Himself to me in supernatural, mind boggling ways; and just the way He has restored my life from what it used to be -- STILL I struggle.
So it sounds kind of ridiculous to question His love for me, doesn't it?
Yet at times -- like now -- that's exactly what I do. My mind clicks into overdrive, and I begin to wonder WHY God would love someone like me, how can He still love me after I continue to make such a mess of my life? I allow the brash, loud, lying voice of Satan to drown out the still, small Voice of the Savior. The Voice that patiently, persistently reminds me that His promises of love to His people of old are mine, too:
I have loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3, HCSB)
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken (Isaiah 54:10)
Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That’s how much you mean to Me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you (Isaiah 43:3-4, The Message)
See, I am NOT beyond my Creator's intervention. I am NOT beyond the reach of the power of my Father's transforming and amazing love. No matter how dark it seems in the wilderness, in my pain, in my grief, in my struggle with temptation to sin -- in ALL of that and more: I am not alone.
And neither are you, dear one. Abba is there. And He loves you. He loves me.
Oh, how He loves us!!