Worship Song Sunday -- How He Loves Us, by David Crowder Band

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither the lower ranks of evil angels nor the higher, neither things present nor things future, nor the forces of nature nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God which rests upon us in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~ Romans 8:38-39, Weymouth New Testament

I have been battling a depression of sorts, off and on lately.  More on than off.  With it comes feelings of emptiness, loneliness, doubt and anxiety. I've had a suggestion or two from some friends as to what might be the cause.  But much of it, I think, comes from the fact that deep down inside, I am still struggling to believe that God truly loves me. That I am worth something in His eyes. 

After all that God has done for me -- the healing of diseases and disorders; the provision I've experienced that I know could have ONLY come from Him; His protection of me when I was in danger (whether or not I was aware of the danger at the time); the gifts with which He has blessed me, tangible and intangible; the times God has revealed Himself to me in supernatural, mind boggling ways; and just the way He has restored my life from what it used to be  -- STILL I struggle.

So it sounds kind of ridiculous to question His love for me, doesn't it?  

Yet at times -- like now -- that's exactly what I do. My mind clicks into overdrive, and I begin to wonder WHY God would love someone like me, how can He still love me after I continue to make such a mess of my life? I allow the brash, loud, lying voice of Satan to drown out the still, small Voice of the Savior.  The Voice that patiently, persistently reminds me that His promises of love to His people of old are mine, too:

I have loved you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3, HCSB)

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing love for you will not be shaken (Isaiah 54:10)


Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That’s how much you mean to Me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you (Isaiah 43:3-4, The Message)

See, I am NOT beyond my Creator's intervention. I am NOT beyond the reach of the power of my Father's transforming and amazing love.  No matter how dark it seems in the wilderness, in my pain, in my grief, in my struggle with temptation to sin -- in ALL  of that and more: I am not alone. 

And neither are you, dear one. Abba is there. And He loves you.  He loves me. 

Oh, how He loves us!!

God Is Good

Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ~ Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV

God is good.  So very good.  I know people say this all the time, so much so that it often can become meaningless; just another one of those ‘lame’ sayings that Christians like to say. Or like to put on T-shirts.

 

I admit – I have said this “God is good” phrase many times myself. Spouted it off with everyone else like the (sometimes) obedient little congregant that I am, when called upon to do so by the pastor, along with the accompanying response “All the time!”

But today...this very moment...I am saying it and meaning it.  I received something I asked for, but did not deserve. I am not going to go into detail about what it is and all that it entails.  Because really – that’s not the point of this post.  I do not wish to brag or boast here, as if I am some favored, golden child of the Lord.  Again, I am all too aware that I DO NOT deserve this provision, this immense kindness from God. I am completely in awe and greatly humbled that He even allowed this to take place. I know there are many folks out there who beg God daily to provide for a desperate need, or to remove a thorn from their side – and they are waiting.  And waiting.  And wondering while they continue to wait.

Believe me, I KNOW what that’s like.  There are quite a few things on my ‘list’ that I’ve begged God for over the years -- and I’m still waiting and wondering.

Today, I found myself yet again in dire need of something. And even after praying about it, I still found myself sickened with worry and anxiety over it. Several things occurred in the past few days that actually made my situation worse, not better, bringing me to that ‘dire’ status today.

What’s so totally weird and off-the-wall is, I KNEW that the answer was coming.  I KNEW the need was going to be fulfilled.  But I also knew that the timing was off.  WAY off.  The timing of the answer and the fulfillment wasn’t aligned with the timing of my need.

But God’s timing is completely different from my timing and that of the world’s.  This afternoon, God saw fit to turn the tables, so to speak, by shaking a bountiful, extra amount of grains of sand into my almost empty hourglass. He moved a mountain and provided for my need in a way I couldn’t have imagined or planned.  And I am so very, very grateful.

HALLELUJAH!!

No....I did not deserve it. Not one bit. Not at all. 

But God showed me mercy and grace, and saw fit to provide me with this gift ANYWAY.  Despite the fact that I'm a hot mess. Despite the fact that my central nervous system was riddled with anxiety and doubts and discouragement and every other kind of garbage.  Despite the fact that I had accepted that I was going down and would have to face the music and deal with the consequences some foolish choices I’d made were about to reap.

Because God is good. So very good.  His mercies are new EVERY morning, for sure. He is faithful, even when I – His flawed and fallen child -- am not.

How has God shown YOU His mercy, His grace, His love, His goodness and His faithfulness, dear ones? In what ways has He provided for you in your desperate time of need? Give some thought to that some time today, and give thanks that God IS good.  So very good.

Thank You, Lord, for hearing my cries and my pleas. And thank You that, despite the fact I am not perfect, that my prayers are often stilted and selfish, and I often doubt that You even hear me, You love me still. You look at me with eyes of mercy and grace; with a heart of compassion and forgiveness and unfailing love, and You rescue me. You protect me.  You provide for me and my family. May I never, EVER forget what You did for me today.  What You do for me every day. Thank You, THANK YOU, my Lord, my God, my King. Amen.

Disciples so often get into trouble; still God is there every time. ~ Psalm 34:19, The Message

A Word For The Overwhelmed

So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. ~ Galatians 6:9, HCSB

When things are flying at you from all directions; when you feel bombarded and frustrated and weary, ill-equipped to face what (or whom) is staring you down; when anxiety and fear threaten to paralyze you today; when whatever you have done and are currently doing looks like it's not making any difference to anyone, but instead, seems like SUCH a waste of time -- take a breath. Look to and lean on your God and your King.

I Will Trust In You

A sweet friend of mine and precious daughter of the King was recently diagnosed with cancer. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we’ve been unable to speak in person. But we’ve been conversing through emails and cards, and yesterday, we were able to speak to each other over the phone.  As I’m writing this, my friend has most likely already been prepped for surgery.

I have walked this particular path through what author Emilie Barnes refers to as ‘Cancer Land.’ It is NOT an easy nor enjoyable path. It can often be dark and frightening and lonely. So many ‘what ifs.’ It certainly doesn’t help matters that when surgery is eminent, you are presented with information and paperwork to be signed in triplicate regarding Advanced Directives, Living Wills, Do Not Resuscitate Orders and the like.


It DOES help to know that others have walked that path before you and have made it through victoriously to the other side, and are waving you forward, cheering you onward. It helps to know that other people are taking time out of their busy schedules to sit before the LORD God and present your needs to Him. Not that He is unaware or needs reminding. We’re merely being obedient and bringing that person and their needs to the only One Who is Sovereign over them and their circumstances and can actually do something about them. God, as Twila Paris sings, IS in control.

I remember 9 years ago, right around this time, when I was preparing for my surgery. I, of course, had to be at the hospital ridiculously early, and God bless my pastor -- the man showed up to pray for me as my husband and I sat in the waiting room, filling out more of those wonderful forms. I’m sure he didn’t even have time to grab a cup of coffee on his way out the door.

At this time, it was also very early in my walk with the LORD God. I had come from a faith denomination that didn’t encourage their congregation to read the Bible -- apparently, it was only for those uber-holy and elite folk to read. So I didn’t have much of a repertoire of Bible verses stored away in my mind and my heart to encourage and sustain me. But after my pastor had finished praying, he shared a Bible verse with me that he said had helped him through a difficult and scary surgery:

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.” ~ Psalm 56:3

I had never heard that verse before, but I grabbed onto it and clung to it like a drowning victim clings to a lifeline thrown out to them. I repeated it over and over, even as I lay on the operating table, waiting for the surgery to begin, and this verse has stayed close to my heart over the years.
　
It came to me as I’ve been praying for my friend, who shared that yes, she has found herself anxious and afraid as the surgery date drew closer. Even though we DO know that the LORD God is with us, we are also only frail and flawed humans, and it can be easy to forget that when we’re staring down into that dark Pit of the Great Unknown.
As I prayed this verse for my friend earlier this morning, another verse came to mind immediately afterwards:

“Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you, wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9

Later on, I prayed the verse again for my friend, and once again, a voice within my spirit came back with:

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you; do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

It reminded me of something I learned in school when I was in choral music class. Our teacher (the incredibly hip and awesome Miss Borne) used a song by the band, Chicago (Oldster alert!), to show us something called ‘call and response.’ For the life of me, I can’t remember the name of the song, but in it, one of the singers would call out in song a particular line, and the other singer would respond to it. Back and forth it went. Even though I don’t remember the song, the concept has obviously stayed with me, oh these many years.

Our life is like a song. Sometimes, it can be a beautiful tune, with our singing out in praise and thanks to the LORD, and He responds; Zephaniah 3:17 tells us that He rejoices over us with singing. But then there are times, as in certain opera arias, when our song turns to one of fear and desperation --

“I’m so afraid!!”

-- and once again, He responds:

“For I am the LORD, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.” ~ Isaiah 41:13　

And we can then say, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”　

We call out --

“I feel so anxious and worried!!”

-- and our Jesus responds:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me.” ~ John 14:1

And we can then say: “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

We call out --

“I’m all alone!!”

-- and He responds:

“Remember I am with you always.” ~ Matthew 28:20

And we can then say, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

I have learned -- and continue learning -- that trust is KEY in my relationship with my Lord Jesus. I feel sometimes as if He is saying to me, “I JUST want you to TRUST Me!”




I don’t want to spend the remainder of my life paralyzed by fear and anxiety and loneliness and whatever else the enemy sees fit to throw my way.


I want to be:
Strong
Courageous
Fearless
Encouraged
Untroubled

I want to know I am:
Loved
Blessed
Held
Not alone
Cared for

There is a beautiful picture of the Lord Jesus called, ‘The Divine Mercy.’ The story goes that a young nun, Saint Maria Faustina of Poland, was commanded by the Lord Jesus Himself to have an image of Him painted, an image that He revealed to her. Underneath His image was to be placed this signature:

“Jesus, I trust in You.”

Whenever we are afraid, worried, confused, anxious --
Wherever or whatever kind of situation we may find ourselves in --


May we remember to trust in Him.


Open your eyes
But don’t let go of My hand
Let your tears give way to smiles
See the joy inside the trial Don’t worry, you’re safe with Me around
Rest assured I’m on your side
I won’t let you hit the ground
But close as it seems...Trust Me
Though you can’t see
You can trust Me
The way may be steep
You can trust Me
Let me lead...trust Me ~ Trust Me, by Crystal Lewis

Under Attack

This past Monday night was the kick off for my church's Vacation Bible School (or Kids Camp, as they call it now). This is the first time in 11 years that I've never really been deeply involved in it. I'm just kind of there for support for two dear friends of mine who are heading up the station I'd done for several years. So there’s not much stress on me this time around, no running around like the crazy woman that I can be, decorating, setting up, trying to buy every item for our room that I think we could possibly need for the week (it’s the snack room for VBS station leaders and helpers). All I really did for the first night was to print out a sign for the door so people knew where we were, burn a music CD to play in the background as the volunteers sit and relax and chat for a few minutes during their break, run out to buy some coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and then help with clean up at the end of the evening. Compared to other years, this was a cake walk.

My kids and I returned home close to 10:00 PM, and got ready for bed. I was really tired, not because of anything I did (again, all minimal stuff), but because it’s extremely humid this week with temps soaring into the high 90s. Even with air conditioning, this weather just drains me. I laid down in bed, all prepared to get a good night's sleep and.....my heart started to pound, and my mind began racing faster than NASCAR driver Kyle Busch at the Nationwide Series race this past weekend.

And the thoughts that were on parade....so absolutely frightening and ugly. I lay there paralyzed for awhile by the fear and anxiety that suddenly had me in its grip. I tried to pray, but couldn't.  Those dark, anxious thoughts just kept tripping me up. I tried quoting Scripture in my head, but I couldn't remember a single one. I kept getting stuck. It was like I was brain dead and that scared me even more. I tried deep breathing exercises...yeah, those exercises they teach you during childbirthing classes that NEVER WORK while you're in labor.  Well, they didn't work this time, either. I tossed, I turned, I sat up, I cried, I went downstairs for water and grabbed my iPod, hoping music would distract and calm me.  Wrong.  I can probably name  every single, solitary song I listened to in my musical library.  NOTHING helped. And those ugly, dark, fearful and anxious thoughts just kept coming, surrounding me, dancing around in my brain. I realized that this was no doubt spiritual warfare, a horrific attack on my mind and my heart, although for the life of me, I can't see that I'm doing anything tremendous for the LORD this year at VBS, so why all the flaming missiles headed my way? Maybe because both of my teens are involved as volunteers? Perhaps even our smallest, most humble acts of service for the LORD are able to cause some big ripples in the lives of other people, big enough ripples to enrage the enemy and bring us under attack. Knowing this, however, did nothing to comfort me. I felt like I was dying. All I could do was whisper the Name of Jesus, over and over, begging Him for some relief.

 
As it began to get light, I fell asleep for about 30 minutes or so, and then my 'dog alarm' went off....my Doberman, Casey, wakes me up every day with her big dog snout in my face, or she'll paw at me until I acknowledge her and move off the bed and towards the bag of dog food awaiting her in the kitchen. I was a great, big wreck as I stumbled downstairs, mind still racing, heart still pounding.  After I fed the dog, I sat before the LORD and cried and continued to beg for some relief from this attack.  I could barely focus, I was shaking and in pain. Trying to function on half an hour of sleep while trying to deal with what felt like a never ending anxiety attack will do that to you. I picked up my "Jesus Calling" book and the first few lines of yesterday’s entry hit me like a wave of cool water:

"Bring Me all your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn't have. Fear and anxiety still plague you. Feelings per se are not sinful, but they can be temptations to sin. Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil one come at you relentlessly."

YIKES!!!  He KNEW!!  Why did I think my LORD hadn’t been listening, that He wasn’t aware of my awful plight? Of COURSE He heard and knew. I eagerly looked up the Scripture references for that day, and Isaiah 12:2 was the verse that I held tightly to throughout the day:

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.”
Later in the day, the LORD used a phone call, three email messages and a face book chat from three sweet sisters-in-Christ (thank You, Jesus, for Cecilia, Toni and Linda!) to bring me some much needed encouragement and prayerful support.  Linda, who sent me the three separate emails, had NO idea what I was going through at the time, yet each email was brimming with God’s Word, and messages from Him that I needed to hear to remind me that He was in control, He was for me and not against me, He was on my side, He was holding my hand, I could cast ALL my anxieties on Him, and that His perfect peace would guard my heart and my mind through this attack and future attacks.  All those truths I seem to forget about when I'm falling apart at the seams.

I’m happy to say that as the day went on and into Night Two of VBS, I was no longer tired, in pain, cranky or anxiety ridden. No small miracle to me! My mind slowed down to normal, my fearful thoughts had stopped bombarding me and I felt a peace that could only have come from Jesus. And, later, I was able to get 7 ½ hours of sweet, uninterrupted sleep! I’m so thankful to my Jesus for these simple, yet to me, powerful blessings.
I’ve included the beautiful picture that my friend, Linda, sent to me in one of her emails. It’s a picture taken at Sandy Cove, where our church holds its annual women’s retreat, and it’s a place which I always associate with the LORD’s perfect peace and true, loving presence.  I'm in awe that He knew exactly what I needed. 

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? ~ Our God, by Chris Tomlin