Prayer For The Wounded and Broken

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. ~ Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

'Broken Life,' by Frenkyyy, @ deviantArt

Jesus -- in humility, we come before You, broken. Hurting.  Bleeding profusely. And begging desperately:  Please, Lord....heal us of our wounds today.

And may the scars that remain become our sacred badges of honor. Not badges we point to, bragging of and showing off to others in a prideful manner, but instead, may these sacred scars remind us -- not in a condemning way -- 

of who and what we once were

of where we came from

And....

of who and what we are today

of where we are now

of how far we've come

All because of You and Your 

amazing grace

unfailing love

new and tender mercies

and Your never-ending, sweet forgiveness of our sins towards You

For it is by Your wounds, Jesus, that

We Are Healed!

'Total Abandon,' by Chris Bradley

NOTE: May the words and music from this song, as well as the image of Jesus created in this video by Jesus Painter's Mike Lewis, help to bless, encourage and bring healing to your wounded heart, mind and spirit

("By His Wounds," sung by Steven Curtis Chapman, Mac Powell, Brian Littrell & Mark Hall, from the 'Glory Revealed' CD)

Forgiveness

"Forgive, and you will be forgiven." ~ Luke 6:37, NIV

Jesus.

He had some pretty hard sayings in His day, didn't He?  Difficult, even radical commands that He asked His followers to obey. Commands that made many wince; commands that caused many to shake their heads in disbelief and rebellion, and to turn and walk away.

Things like, 

"Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you and pray for those who mistreat you." 

"Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will  save it." 

Today, as followers of Jesus, we come across these hard sayings of His in God's Word, and are asked to obey these same difficult, radical commands. Because, as Jesus told His disciples then and tells us now, 

'If you love Me, obey My commandments.' (John 14:15, NLT) 

One such command of Jesus' was the command to forgive. Indeed, Jesus had some radical things to say about forgiveness.  Things like:

"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. ” ~ Mark 11:25

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." ~Matthew  6:14-15

When Peter came to Jesus regarding how many times he was required to forgive someone who had sinned against him, he asked Jesus if he should forgive that person 7 times.  The answer?

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!" ~ Matthew 18:21

Is the idea of offering forgiveness easy, or is it harsh or difficult for you? 

Does having to forgive someone, whether the sin was against you personally or against someone else, make you:

• wince?

• angry?

• bitter?

• sick to your stomach?

• shake your head in disbelief and rebellion, and turn and walk away?

I know I have to say a resounding 'Yes' to most of the above. How do you forgive someone who has not only hurt you so deeply you feel tangible pain, but CONTINUES to hurt you over and over and over?  Like on a daily basis. Oh, my dears -- how I have wrestled with this through the years, only to come up empty handed, bruised and exhausted!!

How do you forgive someone who has taken something....or someone....from you? How do you forgive someone who has destroyed your family, your childhood innocence, your marriage, your career, your hopes and dreams, your reputation, your very life? Or someone else's? Again, this has -- and continues to be -- a struggle for me.  How about you?

Yes, I can tell you from experience, 'forgive' is certainly not the 'f' word that's come to my mind or from my lips right out of the gate over the years, after being abused, rejected, mocked, mistreated, lied to, gossiped about or hurt by others.  

But it was for Jesus.  

Father, forgive them......

More to come in my next post. I hope you'll join me for it. 


'This is love, this is hate....we've got a choice to make

Oh -- Father, won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no);

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losing......'  ~from Losing, by Tenth Avenue North

God Is Good

Because of the LORD'S great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ~ Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV

God is good.  So very good.  I know people say this all the time, so much so that it often can become meaningless; just another one of those ‘lame’ sayings that Christians like to say. Or like to put on T-shirts.

 

I admit – I have said this “God is good” phrase many times myself. Spouted it off with everyone else like the (sometimes) obedient little congregant that I am, when called upon to do so by the pastor, along with the accompanying response “All the time!”

But today...this very moment...I am saying it and meaning it.  I received something I asked for, but did not deserve. I am not going to go into detail about what it is and all that it entails.  Because really – that’s not the point of this post.  I do not wish to brag or boast here, as if I am some favored, golden child of the Lord.  Again, I am all too aware that I DO NOT deserve this provision, this immense kindness from God. I am completely in awe and greatly humbled that He even allowed this to take place. I know there are many folks out there who beg God daily to provide for a desperate need, or to remove a thorn from their side – and they are waiting.  And waiting.  And wondering while they continue to wait.

Believe me, I KNOW what that’s like.  There are quite a few things on my ‘list’ that I’ve begged God for over the years -- and I’m still waiting and wondering.

Today, I found myself yet again in dire need of something. And even after praying about it, I still found myself sickened with worry and anxiety over it. Several things occurred in the past few days that actually made my situation worse, not better, bringing me to that ‘dire’ status today.

What’s so totally weird and off-the-wall is, I KNEW that the answer was coming.  I KNEW the need was going to be fulfilled.  But I also knew that the timing was off.  WAY off.  The timing of the answer and the fulfillment wasn’t aligned with the timing of my need.

But God’s timing is completely different from my timing and that of the world’s.  This afternoon, God saw fit to turn the tables, so to speak, by shaking a bountiful, extra amount of grains of sand into my almost empty hourglass. He moved a mountain and provided for my need in a way I couldn’t have imagined or planned.  And I am so very, very grateful.

HALLELUJAH!!

No....I did not deserve it. Not one bit. Not at all. 

But God showed me mercy and grace, and saw fit to provide me with this gift ANYWAY.  Despite the fact that I'm a hot mess. Despite the fact that my central nervous system was riddled with anxiety and doubts and discouragement and every other kind of garbage.  Despite the fact that I had accepted that I was going down and would have to face the music and deal with the consequences some foolish choices I’d made were about to reap.

Because God is good. So very good.  His mercies are new EVERY morning, for sure. He is faithful, even when I – His flawed and fallen child -- am not.

How has God shown YOU His mercy, His grace, His love, His goodness and His faithfulness, dear ones? In what ways has He provided for you in your desperate time of need? Give some thought to that some time today, and give thanks that God IS good.  So very good.

Thank You, Lord, for hearing my cries and my pleas. And thank You that, despite the fact I am not perfect, that my prayers are often stilted and selfish, and I often doubt that You even hear me, You love me still. You look at me with eyes of mercy and grace; with a heart of compassion and forgiveness and unfailing love, and You rescue me. You protect me.  You provide for me and my family. May I never, EVER forget what You did for me today.  What You do for me every day. Thank You, THANK YOU, my Lord, my God, my King. Amen.

Disciples so often get into trouble; still God is there every time. ~ Psalm 34:19, The Message

Running From God

Yesterday was a bad day for me.  In fact, to use the title of a children's book, it was a:

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Not the entire day, mind you.  The day began very peacefully.  It was almost like a Disney movie in Technicolor, with little woodland creatures frolicking around and birds happily chirping in the background up until That Moment.  That Moment when I lost my temper and opened my big, ugly mouth and let the verbiage fly forth, like those hideous winged creatures in the Lord of the Rings.

It started off as a simple trip to the bank and the library, but it ended in a War of the Worlds battle and we never did get to where we were going. Instead of responding like an adult to my two teens' constant bickering with each other and with me, I reacted like a spoiled, rotten child. I allowed my anger and my frustration to get the better of me and the vile, hurtful words just spewed out of me.  That's the bad thing about words....once you say them, you can't grab them back.  They just kind of hang there in the atmosphere for a bit, like a smelly green mist. And then they attach themselves to the minds and hearts of those who are the unlucky victims of the verbal attack, much like barnacles attach themselves to oceanfront piers....and they don't let go. There's no playbacks, no rewrites, no alternate endings in this kind of script.  Vocal arrows strike hard, their poison goes deep and does it damage well.


I stayed angry and resentful and hostile for the rest of the day.  Sitting out in our backyard, I hoped to calm down, but the opposite occured.  I just angrily boiled away, like a black cauldron of witches' brew, feeling and thinking things that no good Christian mom (or any mom, for that matter) should EVER feel and think towards her family. I questioned my maturity and my parenting skills.  I questioned whether I should have ever become a mother. I wondered if this is how Casey Anthony may have felt. And that scared me to death. So I shoved the thought far away. But still I seethed.

Later, my one teen, who is always the first one to come and seek forgiveness and offer forgiveness when I screw up, tried to do so.  And I'm ashamed to admit it, but I blew them off.  Told them I had nothing to say and to go back in the house and leave me alone, which they very quietly and meekly did.  It was at that precise moment that I heard the still, small voice of God encouraging me to come to Him, to talk to Him, to let it all out.  But I purposely brushed His voice away like one brushes away an annoying mosquito that keeps buzzing in their ear.  I didn't want to talk to God, and I SURE didn't want to listen to what He had to say either. I didn't want to hear about forgiveness. I didn't want to hear about anything.  I ceased listening. I ceased caring.  And for a time, He ceased speaking.  What a lonely, deafening silence it was.

Oh, I fell, and fell hard yesterday.   Do you remember back when you were a little kid, running fast, then you tripped and fell hard?  It felt like you had the wind knocked out of you.  Well, that's how I felt, only I felt like I had my spirit knocked out of me.  I didn't just take a few steps backward in my journey.  No, I went back light years, back to the wide path, back to the old me. And who should be there to greet me on that path but an old, familiar demon of mine: alcohol. I haven't had a real drink in years (a sip of beer here and there) but yesterday, the voice of the enemy replaced Jesus' and his was the voice I heard loud and clear, saying, "Why not? Have a couple of cold ones, who's gonna care? You know you'll feel better!"  And I wanted to so badly, just to shut up the stupid voice and to also stop the feelings of anger, guilt, shame and pain that kept rising to the surface. 

The battle inside of me raged for almost an hour. It was ugly and exhausting.  I wish I could tell you I had an epiphany moment and cried out to Jesus for help, and that I called on some of my godly gal pals for prayer support, as I always encourage them to do. But I remained silent. I'm great at handing out sage advice, obviously not so great at following it myself.   Thankfully, however, I didn't give in.  And I'd have to chalk that up to God's loving mercy and grace, in spite of my stupidity, my stubbornness and my silent treatment towards Him. The remainder of the evening, I kept to myself, not saying much to anyone, doing what I do best during times I act like a total jerk: I cleaned and decluttered portions of my house. I'm certain my garbage men will be thrilled to death when they pull up to my place on garbage day.  Tired, embarrassed, disgusted with myself and fairly depressed, I went to bed early.

Today is a brand new day. I wish I could report that everything is just peachy keen right now.  But it isn't.  My one teen again came to me to ask for forgiveness for the part they played in this nasty little scenario and also to say that they forgave me.  We have made peace, and for that I'm grateful.  When I humbled myself before my other teen to ask for their forgiveness and wanting to talk it over, I was met with extreme coldness. While they said they forgave me, their manner, attitude and voice conveyed a different story to me. It sickens me to know I've done some major damage to this child's heart and spirit. And I'm at a loss as to what to do, if anything, to reverse it. 

And God?  Well, I'm not proud to say that He continues to wait patiently for me as I do everything to avoid meeting and talking with Him.  Like a wounded, bleeding animal, I'm tearfully snarling at and running and hiding from the very One Who could help and heal me. And I'm not sure why. I am quite the prodigal today.  Struggling for control of my life.  Not yet to the point of brokenness.  Not ready to choose to make my way back into the forgiving arms of the faithful, ever-on-the-lookout Father.

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away.

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go, child?
Tell Me where will you run
To where will you run?

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you ~'By Your Side,' by Tenth Avenue North