A Friend Loves At All Times

A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 AMP

Today I have been thinking about friendships.

I’ve been blessed with some wonderful friends over the course of my life so far.

Friends who were allowed to remain for a season and then, for whatever reason, were removed from my life.

I am grateful for them.

Friends who have come along side me, praying with me and for me, through good times and bad times. Friends who have been with me when it was easy being my friend and when, through my own stubbornness, stupidity and sinfulness, I made it extremely difficult for them.

And yet…they stood firm and remained.

I am grateful for them, too.

I have not always been a good friend to others.  This is not a ploy for sympathy. I’m not looking for people to jump in here and saturate me with comments and compliments about what a wonderful person I am and how I could even say something like that, etc.  Please. I’m just trying to be as honest as I can here.

And to be honest, I have not been the kind of friend that others have been to me.

The kind of friend who will let me know when I’m behaving like a horse’s patoot

The kind of friend who will love me in spite of myself

The kind of friend who will caution me when I’m about to speak or write hurtful words in anger and in haste

The kind of friend who will warn me about the consequences that will result from a poor choice I’m about to make or who will do their best to keep me from acting upon a foolish decision I’ve already made 

The kind of friend who is comfortable with telling me words like

No

Wait

Stop

Don’t

Or with saying things like

“You need to take a step back and give this more thought”

“I think you’re making a mistake”

“This is wrong”

Or with asking me questions like,

“Did you take it to the Lord first?”

“Have you prayed about or talked this over with anyone?”

“Do you think God would be pleased with this?”

The kind of friend who will hold me accountable to promises and commitments I've made to do or to refrain from doing something

The kind of friend who is unashamed and unafraid to speak up, to speak out and to ‘speak the truth in love’ to me. Even at the risk of losing our friendship

I bring this up because recently, I was given the opportunity to actually BE this kind of friend for someone else….and I blew it. Big time.

Even as all the red flags were going up and waving vigorously in my face; even as all the bells and whistles were going off inside my head as my friend spoke of  recent experiences and events that had taken place, and of a journey they were about to embark on that I feared would take them into a dangerous area, it just seemed easier to ignore the warnings.

Yes, as uncomfortable as I was from all those not-so-gentle nudges from the Holy Spirit, it was just so much easier for me to sit, listen, smile and nod my head in all the appropriate places. To just keep silent, be agreeable, and to let it slide. No stress. No mess. No confrontations.

Because anyone who knows me well knows...

I don’t like confrontations!!

But sometimes – love has to be tough. Sometimes – the truth hurts. And sometimes -- 

WE. MUST. SPEAK. UP. NOW.

Jesus knew this.  He always spoke the truth in love to people.  

There was no sugarcoating with Jesus. While He displayed unconditional and unfailing love to those He came in contact with, I think it's safe to say that there were times Jesus also demonstrated tough love. He didn’t let things slide. He asked the hard questions. And He took the risks and said the radical things that NEEDED to be said to family, friends and Pharisees alike, knowing full well that His words could and would be taken out of context by some, infuriate and offend others, and cause many to flat out turn away, deeming Him a blasphemer or a kook.

Yet, Jesus was truly a Friend Who loved at ALL times. And I want to be like that. I want to be that kind of friend.  I WANT to be like Jesus.

I WANT to be able to say the risky, radical truths that my friend needs to hear.

I WANT to be able to speak the truth in love to my friend.

But I am afraid.  

I am afraid it will damage our friendship.  I am afraid my friend will see my loving confrontation as me just being judgmental of their situation, as some already have. I am afraid they'll become angry and offended and walk away – for good.

But I know I HAVE to move past my fears and make the effort to speak. And speak NOW.  

Maybe you've been in a situation like this before with a friend. How did you handle it? Or perhaps you're in this situation right now. Won't you join me in praying about it?

Lord, help me to be unafraid to engage in meaningful, challenging and difficult conversations with my friends when the situation or need arises. Give me words to speak -- Your words, Lord, that I might be able to give them wise counsel in their moments of confusion and indecision, conviction (and not condemnation) when they're headed in the wrong direction or already treading upon a dangerous path. May my friend's heart be open, accepting and teachable to what needs to be said. And, because of You, Jesus, and the precious love and friendship You've offered to me, may I become a better friend -- the kind of Friend You were...and are. Amen

Something about just being with you

When I leave I feel like I've been near God

And that's the way it ought to be, yeah

'Cause you've been more than a friend to me

You fight off my enemies

'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life

And you'll never know what it means to me

Just to know you've been on your knees for me

Oh, you have blessed my life

More than you'll ever know ~

lyrics to More Than You'll Ever Know  by Nathan & Christy Nockels

Forgiveness

"Forgive, and you will be forgiven." ~ Luke 6:37, NIV

Jesus.

He had some pretty hard sayings in His day, didn't He?  Difficult, even radical commands that He asked His followers to obey. Commands that made many wince; commands that caused many to shake their heads in disbelief and rebellion, and to turn and walk away.

Things like, 

"Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you and pray for those who mistreat you." 

"Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will  save it." 

Today, as followers of Jesus, we come across these hard sayings of His in God's Word, and are asked to obey these same difficult, radical commands. Because, as Jesus told His disciples then and tells us now, 

'If you love Me, obey My commandments.' (John 14:15, NLT) 

One such command of Jesus' was the command to forgive. Indeed, Jesus had some radical things to say about forgiveness.  Things like:

"But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. ” ~ Mark 11:25

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." ~Matthew  6:14-15

When Peter came to Jesus regarding how many times he was required to forgive someone who had sinned against him, he asked Jesus if he should forgive that person 7 times.  The answer?

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!" ~ Matthew 18:21

Is the idea of offering forgiveness easy, or is it harsh or difficult for you? 

Does having to forgive someone, whether the sin was against you personally or against someone else, make you:

• wince?

• angry?

• bitter?

• sick to your stomach?

• shake your head in disbelief and rebellion, and turn and walk away?

I know I have to say a resounding 'Yes' to most of the above. How do you forgive someone who has not only hurt you so deeply you feel tangible pain, but CONTINUES to hurt you over and over and over?  Like on a daily basis. Oh, my dears -- how I have wrestled with this through the years, only to come up empty handed, bruised and exhausted!!

How do you forgive someone who has taken something....or someone....from you? How do you forgive someone who has destroyed your family, your childhood innocence, your marriage, your career, your hopes and dreams, your reputation, your very life? Or someone else's? Again, this has -- and continues to be -- a struggle for me.  How about you?

Yes, I can tell you from experience, 'forgive' is certainly not the 'f' word that's come to my mind or from my lips right out of the gate over the years, after being abused, rejected, mocked, mistreated, lied to, gossiped about or hurt by others.  

But it was for Jesus.  

Father, forgive them......

More to come in my next post. I hope you'll join me for it. 


'This is love, this is hate....we've got a choice to make

Oh -- Father, won't You forgive them?
They don't know what they've been doin' (oh no);

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them
'Cause I feel like the one losing......'  ~from Losing, by Tenth Avenue North

F.R.O.G.

We are a society that seems to be in love with acronyms and abbreviations. When I was growing up, the most popular ones were ASAP (As Soon As Possible), FYI (For Your Information) and SWAK (Sealed With A Kiss).  Televisions turned into TV’s, personal computers morphed into PC’s and compact discs became CD’s,  Now, there’s an acronym or an abbreviation for just about everything. Diseases and medical concerns are identified by their letters, like ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) or COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder). Most government agencies are referred to by their acronyms like NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration), NYPD (New York Police Department), DMV (Division of Motor Vehicles) and NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigative Service). And of course, texting has become a language unto itself, with some people actually using the letters instead of the words in their everyday, speak-out-loud conversations:

LOL - Laugh Out Loud
BFF - Best Friends Forever
IDK - I Don’t Know
SMH - Shake My Head
TMI - Too Much Information

One acronym I came across some years ago had me perplexed at first sight. When I was volunteering at my church’s now defunct book/gift store, we carried quite a few items for kids that displayed the following letters: F.R.O.G. One was actually a plastic frog (see below) with the letters emblazoned across his/her forehead (wait -- do frogs actually HAVE foreheads? Never mind).

I asked the woman who managed the store and she explained that the letters stood for Fully Rely On God. As someone brand new to faith in Christ, I found this both interesting and extremely weird (yet later wound up buying two of these plastic frogs for my son and daughter).

What does it mean to Fully Rely On God? It means to trust Him in every situation of your life and with every person in your life and for every need in your life. No matter how hopeless and horrible a situation or a person seems to be, God tells us to trust Him fully, completely. Trust is key in our relationship with Him. In the Amplified Bible, which uses synonyms to ‘amplify’ various words in a text, Psalm 22:4 looks like this: “Our fathers trusted in You; they trusted (leaned on, relied on You and were confident) and You delivered them.” Then there’s Psalm 28:7: The Lord is my Strength and my [impenetrable] Shield; my heart trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on Him, and I am helped.” And Psalm 32:10: Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but he who trusts in, relies on, and confidently leans on the Lord shall be compassed about with mercy and with loving-kindness.”
　
Take notice of something here in these three verses: when we, God’s people, do our part…trusting, relying on and confidently leaning on Him, He does His part…delivering us, helping us, surrounding us with His mercy and loving-kindness. Seems almost like a no-brainer, yes? Then why do we struggle so with trusting God? Why do I? I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know for me, in part it’s because I forget. I forget how much I am loved and cared for and delighted in by the God of the universe. I forget all the times that God has come to my rescue, turning around those seemingly hopeless and impossible situations in my life and working them out for my good and His glory and honor… and sometimes, with only moments to spare at that. I forget how mighty and powerful and all-sufficient my Father God has been…and is. I’m also somewhat of a victim of media brainwashing. You know, all that ‘Believe in yourself,’ ‘follow your heart,‘ and ‘trust no one but you,’ mentality. We’re force fed an unhealthy diet of that baloney everyday via books, movies, reality TV shows, even song lyrics. But God clearly tells us to trust and believe in Him. And not just for a few things here and there. For E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
　
I’m currently reading “Radical,” a book by David Platt. I’m on Chapter 3, entitled ‘The Importance of Relying On God’s Power.‘ Today, I came across this sentence: ‘This is how God works: He puts His people in positions where they are desperate for His power, and then He shows His provision in ways that display His greatness.’ Platt goes on to talk about the disciples in the Book of Acts, how this motley group of scared silly, lower-class, uneducated commoners hiding in an upper room (and, by the way, on whom the spreading of the gospel and Christianity now depends upon) ‘are not busy putting their faith in themselves or relying on themselves. They are pleading for the power of God, and they are confident that they are not going to accomplish anything without His provision.’ God most certainly placed them in a position where they were desperate for His power and they came to realize at that time and in their bleak situation that they had no other choice but to Fully Rely On God. If you know the rest of the story, you know that God comes through in an amazingly powerful and supernatural way, changing everything and everyone by sending the promised Holy Spirit to descend upon each person in that room. They trusted in, relied on and confidently leaned on God and He came through. They did their part….then God did His.

It’s no surprise to me that I wound up in this chapter at this particular time. For the past several weeks, I’ve been struggling with a situation that concerns my son’s education. Because he was born with special needs, his high school child study team and counselors referred us in May of this year to an agency that would guide him and advocate for him as we sought to get him into a particular college program. My son was excited and so looking forward to begin studying for his dream of working in the culinary arts. But suffice it to say that as a result of a series of unfortunate events and unforeseen circumstances, things fell through the cracks and now no one at the agency or the college can guarantee us that he will be attending this year. My son is crushed and angry, and I’ve been beside myself with anger, frustration, worry and anxiety. I’ve done everything I possibly could think of to turn this situation around and today, after making phone call after phone call to various people, I felt like all I did was go in circles. Then, this afternoon, I came to this chapter. And I was reminded that this is indeed how God works. Once again, He’s put me in a position where I am DESPERATE for His power and where the F.R.O.G. concept comes into play. If I determine to Fully Rely On God….if I do my part by purposely trusting in, relying upon and confidently leaning on my Father God, He will do His part, showing my son and I His provision in ways that we cannot even begin to imagine, displaying His greatness and bringing all glory and honor to Himself. No matter what the outcome, I HAVE TO trust and believe that God’s got a plan for my son, that He has his best interests at heart and that He didn’t bring us this far just to drop us and leave us by the wayside.

Open your eyes
But don’t let go of My hand,
Let your tears give way to smiles
See the joy inside the trial;
Don’t worry, you’re safe with Me around
Rest assured I’m on your side,
I won’t let you hit the ground,
But close as it seems..

Trust Me
Though you can’t see
You can trust Me;
The way may be steep
You can trust Me,
Let Me lead...trust Me ~ Trust Me, by Crystal Lewis