A friend loves at all times, and is
born, as is a brother, for adversity. Proverbs 17:17 AMP
Today I have
been thinking about friendships.
I’ve been
blessed with some wonderful friends over the course of my life so far.
Friends who
were allowed to remain for a season and then, for whatever reason, were removed
from my life.
I am
grateful for them.
Friends who have come along side me, praying with me and for me, through good times and bad times. Friends who have been with me when it was easy being my
friend and when, through my own stubbornness, stupidity and sinfulness, I made
it extremely difficult for them.
And yet…they
stood firm and remained.
I am
grateful for them, too.
I have not
always been a good friend to others.
This is not a ploy for sympathy. I’m not looking for people to jump in here
and saturate me with comments and compliments about what a wonderful person I
am and how I could even say something like that, etc. Please. I’m just trying to be as honest as I
can here.
And to be honest, I have not been the
kind of friend that others have been to me.
The kind of
friend who will let me know when I’m behaving like a horse’s patoot
The kind of
friend who will love me in spite of myself
The kind of
friend who will caution me when I’m about to speak or write hurtful words in
anger and in haste
The kind of
friend who will warn me about the consequences that will result from a poor
choice I’m about to make or who will do their best to keep me from acting upon
a foolish decision I’ve already made
The kind of
friend who is comfortable with telling me words like
No
Wait
Stop
Don’t
Or with saying things like
“You need to take a step back and
give this more thought”
“I think you’re making a mistake”
“This is wrong”
Or with asking me questions like,
“Did you take it to the Lord first?”
“Have you prayed about or talked this
over with anyone?”
“Do you think God would be pleased
with this?”
The kind of friend who will hold me accountable to promises and commitments I've made to do or to refrain from doing something
The kind of friend who is unashamed
and unafraid to speak up, to speak out and to ‘speak the truth in love’ to me.
Even at the risk of losing our friendship
I bring this
up because recently, I was given the opportunity to actually BE this kind of
friend for someone else….and I blew it. Big time.
Even as all
the red flags were going up and waving vigorously in my face; even as all the
bells and whistles were going off inside my head as my friend spoke of recent experiences and events that had taken place, and of a journey they were about to embark on that I feared would take them into a dangerous area, it just seemed easier to ignore the warnings.
Yes, as uncomfortable as I was from all those
not-so-gentle nudges from the Holy Spirit, it was just so much easier for me to
sit, listen, smile and nod my head in all the appropriate places. To just
keep silent, be agreeable, and to let it slide. No stress. No mess. No confrontations.
Because anyone who knows me well knows...
I don’t like
confrontations!!
But
sometimes – love has to be tough. Sometimes – the truth hurts. And sometimes --
WE. MUST. SPEAK. UP. NOW.
Jesus knew
this. He always spoke the truth in love to people.
There was no sugarcoating with Jesus. While He displayed unconditional and unfailing love to those He came in contact with, I think it's safe to say that there were times Jesus also demonstrated tough love. He didn’t let things slide. He asked the hard questions. And He
took the risks and said the radical things that NEEDED to be said to family,
friends and Pharisees alike, knowing full well that His words could and would be
taken out of context by some, infuriate and offend others, and cause many to
flat out turn away, deeming Him a blasphemer or a kook.
Yet, Jesus was
truly a Friend Who loved at ALL times. And I want to be like that. I want to be
that kind of friend. I WANT to be like Jesus.
I WANT to be
able to say the risky, radical truths that my friend needs to hear.
I WANT to be
able to speak the truth in love to my friend.
But I am
afraid.
I am afraid it will damage our
friendship. I am afraid my friend will see my
loving confrontation as me just being judgmental of their situation, as some already have. I am afraid they'll become angry and offended and walk away –
for good.
But I know I
HAVE to move past my fears and make the effort to speak. And speak NOW.
Maybe you've been in a situation like this before with a friend. How did you handle it? Or perhaps you're in this situation right now. Won't you join me in praying about it?
Lord, help me to be unafraid to engage in meaningful, challenging and difficult conversations with my friends when the situation or need arises. Give me words to speak -- Your words, Lord, that I might be able to give them wise counsel in their moments of confusion and indecision, conviction (and not condemnation) when they're headed in the wrong direction or already treading upon a dangerous path. May my friend's heart be open, accepting and teachable to what needs to be said. And, because of You, Jesus, and the precious love and friendship You've offered to me, may I become a better friend -- the kind of Friend You were...and are. Amen
Maybe you've been in a situation like this before with a friend. How did you handle it? Or perhaps you're in this situation right now. Won't you join me in praying about it?
Lord, help me to be unafraid to engage in meaningful, challenging and difficult conversations with my friends when the situation or need arises. Give me words to speak -- Your words, Lord, that I might be able to give them wise counsel in their moments of confusion and indecision, conviction (and not condemnation) when they're headed in the wrong direction or already treading upon a dangerous path. May my friend's heart be open, accepting and teachable to what needs to be said. And, because of You, Jesus, and the precious love and friendship You've offered to me, may I become a better friend -- the kind of Friend You were...and are. Amen
Something about just being with you
When I leave I feel like I've been near God
And that's the way it ought to be, yeah
'Cause you've been more than a friend to me
You fight off my enemies
'Cause you've spoken the Truth over my life
And you'll never know what it means to me
Just to know you've been on your knees for me
Oh, you have blessed my life
More than you'll ever know ~
lyrics to More Than You'll Ever Know by Nathan & Christy Nockels
I so understand where you are coming from in this. I have often wanted to be that kind of friend and have held back because of my own fear of rejection or of causing anger. But, when you look at the alternatives...what if's..."What if I could've kept them from making that bad choice, or what if I could have helped steer them from danger...etc. But what it comes down to, people make wrong choices every day (including us). We can try our best to advise and help, but so often they still don't listen. If a friend does not want to take our advice or listen to reason and they turn away from our friendship as a result...we can only say we tried our best and pray for them. We can't force them to be our friend or to do what we think best. We need to be true to what we believe and pray that God will give us wisdom and compassion no matter what. This was a great post, Pam. I'd love to have you as MY friend!!!
ReplyDeleteI know, Pam. I've been that person that REFUSED to take the wise and loving advice from others, and most times, I paid dearly later for it. But I have to at least try once with this precious friend.
DeleteAnd thank you for saying such a lovely thing -- it would be a privilege to call you friend. <3
I have also had this experience of not being the friend I should be, or even being the friend to get offended at others. But now with growth I see that it was the best thing for them to confront me then, even though it ended the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI have learned over the years, and try to apply to new relationships that my friends or others do not need to approve of what I say and do. As long as I am obedient to God, nothing else matters. It took me a long time to get there, but it brought great freedom.
Deanna, you've shown such amazing growth in your relational, emotional and spiritual life experiences. Your testimony gives such hope to everyone!! Thanks, my dear.
DeleteBless you. I try to be that kind of friend, and yes sometimes it is easier to sit back and avoid the nudges than it is to face the friend, and risk the friendship.
ReplyDeleteI wrote about that here: http://sunflowershan.wordpress.com/2013/06/24/that-friend/
Thanks, Shanyn, for your honesty. And for your friendship, albeit an online one. ;) I so appreciate it...and you. And you know...I really loved that poem. It's a perfect companion to this piece.
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