Growing Weary, Part Two

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. ~ Galatians 6:9-10, The Message

The above Scripture verse is another translation of Paul's encouragement for the people of Galatia to not grow weary and give up in doing good to others. Yesterday, I began a two-part blog post about what happens when you DO wind up growing weary and just give up. Because it happened to me.

If you didn't get a chance to read it, why not take a minute to scoot over to read it now by clicking here.

As a result of the roller coaster of emotions I was experiencing as I tried my best in 'doing good' for both my neighbor and my friend, (while also feeling I was being manipulated and used by them at times, which I failed to mention yesterday), I found myself spiraling down into depression.

I spent several months ‘hiding’ from God.  For a time, I stopped attending church (we all attend the same church). I dropped out of Bible study (which my neighbor also attended and in which she was causing some chaotic moments for everyone). I purposely made ‘other arrangements’ on the Tuesday nights that my prayer group would meet.  I avoided my Bible like the plague and pretty much ostracized myself from my church family and other Christian friends.

Is it any wonder, then, that my relationship with the Lord, as well as with the members of the Body of Christ/the Church, had suffered, becoming weak, dry and very close to non-existent? I woke up one day to the realization that I was in a self-imposed form of exile. 

I know all of this sounds awful and some may be reading this thinking, “What kind of Christian (or maybe more appropriately, what kind of NUT) is she, anyway?” I’ve been wondering that a lot myself. 

There's just so much that confuses me.  I feel like I'm being bombarded from all sides by Bible verses that are continually popping into my head. And I hope I'm not taking them out of context. 

Once again, in Galatians 6, Paul reminds the people that they are to "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ."  And in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, Jesus tells this to the crowds gathered there: "Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and don't turn away him who desires to borrow from you."  That is sacrificial living right there, and is part and parcel of the Christian daily walk. 

But when does it become a matter of being able to say "STOP! Enough is enough!" when you feel someone is manipulating you and taking advantage of your kind, loving, giving, sacrificial Christian nature? Or you come to the realization that you are enabling instead of helping?



Yesterday, I wrote that terms like 'enabler,' co-dependency' 'toxic' and 'dysfunctional' are all words you won't find in the Bible. And with good reason, for these are terms that come from the secular and psychological community. So do they truly have a place in Christianity? Should we even be identifying with these terms or are we just kidding ourselves? 

And perhaps I'm just using them to justify my backing away from helping these two people in my life because obeying Jesus's command to do this just became TOO HARD TO DO?

Through all of this madness, I had some well-meaning, godly friends with whom I’d shared my struggles and questions about this – friends who know my neighbor and friend well, and are aware of their situations and needs – tell me things like:

“Ask God to make you willing to be made willing”

Really?! What does THAT even mean? To me, it translates into “Better you than me, sister.”

Or this gem:

“What would they DO without you? You’re ALL they have.”

Is that true? Am I really ALL they have, because family, friends, other neighbors and members of their faith community, for whatever reasons, have chosen to look away from these folks and avoid them like the priest and the Levite in the parable of The Good Samaritan, washing their hands of any responsibility? I'm sorry, but I can't go along with that.

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I never realized this before until a month or so ago, but as I read that parable again, it suddenly came to me while the Samaritan traveler was the only one who stopped to help and care for that beaten, bruised and broken man lying on the roadside, he didn’t take on all responsibility for him. He didn’t take the man with him to wherever he was headed.  When the Samaritan left the inn where he had taken the wounded man and spent the night tending to him, he left him there and enlisted help (paid help, though it was) from the local innkeeper:

'The next day, he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:35, NIV)

Please know I HAVE asked for help and a bit has come from an unexpected source. But due to all the legal and familial roadblocks, as well as the stubbornness of the people in need, it really hasn't been as much as I'd hoped.  Believe me when I say this – I’m NOT asking for sympathetic, figurative pats on the head here. Nor am I looking for kudos and applause from anyone for hanging in there and doing as much as I could.

What I am looking for at this point -- and which I'd forgotten about until now -- is The Lesson.  A sweet friend of mine who passed away several years ago from cancer, would often tell me -- even and especially in the midst of those times when she found herself in horrific pain and was struggling just to breathe and speak: 

"God has a lesson for me in all 
of this. I just need to find it."

I'm desperately trying to find the lesson God has for me 'in all of this.'

So I’m wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else out there; if anyone has ever experienced a time when serving others just became too heavy a burden to bear....and you made the difficult choice to walk away. 

And I don't normally ask this, but PLEASE DO SHARE this post series with others, especially if you know of anyone who is a pastor or Christian counselor. I will welcome any and all comments and insights -- good, bad or indifferent (or you can send me a private email, too, if you’re more comfortable with that) -- on what I’ve said and on the questions below:

   How do you serve without enabling, being taken advantage of or becoming the victim of another's manipulation? 

Does setting healthy boundaries for oneself conflict with the Biblical theology of sacrificial living?

Some hard questions. But then, nobody said following Jesus would be easy. Many thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully share your insights.