Growing Weary, Part Two

So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith. ~ Galatians 6:9-10, The Message

The above Scripture verse is another translation of Paul's encouragement for the people of Galatia to not grow weary and give up in doing good to others. Yesterday, I began a two-part blog post about what happens when you DO wind up growing weary and just give up. Because it happened to me.

If you didn't get a chance to read it, why not take a minute to scoot over to read it now by clicking here.

As a result of the roller coaster of emotions I was experiencing as I tried my best in 'doing good' for both my neighbor and my friend, (while also feeling I was being manipulated and used by them at times, which I failed to mention yesterday), I found myself spiraling down into depression.

I spent several months ‘hiding’ from God.  For a time, I stopped attending church (we all attend the same church). I dropped out of Bible study (which my neighbor also attended and in which she was causing some chaotic moments for everyone). I purposely made ‘other arrangements’ on the Tuesday nights that my prayer group would meet.  I avoided my Bible like the plague and pretty much ostracized myself from my church family and other Christian friends.

Is it any wonder, then, that my relationship with the Lord, as well as with the members of the Body of Christ/the Church, had suffered, becoming weak, dry and very close to non-existent? I woke up one day to the realization that I was in a self-imposed form of exile. 

I know all of this sounds awful and some may be reading this thinking, “What kind of Christian (or maybe more appropriately, what kind of NUT) is she, anyway?” I’ve been wondering that a lot myself. 

There's just so much that confuses me.  I feel like I'm being bombarded from all sides by Bible verses that are continually popping into my head. And I hope I'm not taking them out of context. 

Once again, in Galatians 6, Paul reminds the people that they are to "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ."  And in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, Jesus tells this to the crowds gathered there: "Whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and don't turn away him who desires to borrow from you."  That is sacrificial living right there, and is part and parcel of the Christian daily walk. 

But when does it become a matter of being able to say "STOP! Enough is enough!" when you feel someone is manipulating you and taking advantage of your kind, loving, giving, sacrificial Christian nature? Or you come to the realization that you are enabling instead of helping?



Yesterday, I wrote that terms like 'enabler,' co-dependency' 'toxic' and 'dysfunctional' are all words you won't find in the Bible. And with good reason, for these are terms that come from the secular and psychological community. So do they truly have a place in Christianity? Should we even be identifying with these terms or are we just kidding ourselves? 

And perhaps I'm just using them to justify my backing away from helping these two people in my life because obeying Jesus's command to do this just became TOO HARD TO DO?

Through all of this madness, I had some well-meaning, godly friends with whom I’d shared my struggles and questions about this – friends who know my neighbor and friend well, and are aware of their situations and needs – tell me things like:

“Ask God to make you willing to be made willing”

Really?! What does THAT even mean? To me, it translates into “Better you than me, sister.”

Or this gem:

“What would they DO without you? You’re ALL they have.”

Is that true? Am I really ALL they have, because family, friends, other neighbors and members of their faith community, for whatever reasons, have chosen to look away from these folks and avoid them like the priest and the Levite in the parable of The Good Samaritan, washing their hands of any responsibility? I'm sorry, but I can't go along with that.

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I never realized this before until a month or so ago, but as I read that parable again, it suddenly came to me while the Samaritan traveler was the only one who stopped to help and care for that beaten, bruised and broken man lying on the roadside, he didn’t take on all responsibility for him. He didn’t take the man with him to wherever he was headed.  When the Samaritan left the inn where he had taken the wounded man and spent the night tending to him, he left him there and enlisted help (paid help, though it was) from the local innkeeper:

'The next day, he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’ (Luke 10:35, NIV)

Please know I HAVE asked for help and a bit has come from an unexpected source. But due to all the legal and familial roadblocks, as well as the stubbornness of the people in need, it really hasn't been as much as I'd hoped.  Believe me when I say this – I’m NOT asking for sympathetic, figurative pats on the head here. Nor am I looking for kudos and applause from anyone for hanging in there and doing as much as I could.

What I am looking for at this point -- and which I'd forgotten about until now -- is The Lesson.  A sweet friend of mine who passed away several years ago from cancer, would often tell me -- even and especially in the midst of those times when she found herself in horrific pain and was struggling just to breathe and speak: 

"God has a lesson for me in all 
of this. I just need to find it."

I'm desperately trying to find the lesson God has for me 'in all of this.'

So I’m wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else out there; if anyone has ever experienced a time when serving others just became too heavy a burden to bear....and you made the difficult choice to walk away. 

And I don't normally ask this, but PLEASE DO SHARE this post series with others, especially if you know of anyone who is a pastor or Christian counselor. I will welcome any and all comments and insights -- good, bad or indifferent (or you can send me a private email, too, if you’re more comfortable with that) -- on what I’ve said and on the questions below:

   How do you serve without enabling, being taken advantage of or becoming the victim of another's manipulation? 

Does setting healthy boundaries for oneself conflict with the Biblical theology of sacrificial living?

Some hard questions. But then, nobody said following Jesus would be easy. Many thanks for taking the time to read this and hopefully share your insights. 

Wrestling With God (Part Two - The Lesson)

Yesterday, I posted here about a family feud and, as a result of that feud and my not so lovely part in it, my experience of wrestling with God. But unlike Jacob, who wrestled into the night with God for a blessing, I was wrestling for something else.

After standing outside for a time in the brisk evening beneath the moon and stars, I went back upstairs to bed.  Sleep remained elusive. I bounced back and forth between really wanting to open myself up to the Lord and let go of my anger and just wanting Him to let me get some peace-filled sleep and then we'd chat in the morning. I can be such a stubborn and indecisive woman!

As the delicate light of dawn began to peek through the bedroom window, I lay there, completely spent but still wide awake and my soul cried out to the Lord, "Okay...I know I said some mean, ugly and hurtful things to my family.  Things I can't take back. I'm so sorry and I'm tired of being angry. But Lord...they make me CRAZY! You KNOW they do! This is not the family I dreamed of having when I was a kid.  It's not supposed to be like this. What am I supposed to do with them? They make it SO hard to love them, Lord.  What do You WANT from me??!!!"  Yes, not only was I crying out to Him, but I was whining, too.

And His gracious, loving response to me came oh-so-quickly and clearly from His Word in Micah 6:8:

'He has showed you, O man,
What is good.
And what does the LORD require
of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with
your God.'

I knew this verse all too well, and I actually groaned and thought, "oh no...not this."

"Ah, yes, My child...this."

I've heard many times over in Bible studies, sermons and books to be careful not to take God's Word out of context, pulling out some verse from Scripture and saying, 'THIS is what it really means.'  Or pinning it randomly to some scenario in our own lives or someone else's life because it sounds like a good fit, but really has nothing to do with it (Isaiah 11:6 'and a little child will lead them' immediately comes to mind as an example of this kind of thing).  I agree, you do have to look closely at when it was written, by whom and to whom it was written and why it was written.  But I also believe that through careful examination AND the Holy Spirit's guidance, you will see how a particular Scripture can be applied to particular situations and circumstances going on in your life.

While this verse was a part of God's message through Micah to the leaders and people of Jerusalem and Samaria, admonishing them for their pride, greed, false piety and oppression of the poor among them, it was obvious that God had a lesson in it for me to learn and apply to my life, right where I was.   So, the answer to my whining question, 'what does the Lord God want from me?' is this:

**To act justly -- I've read other translations which say 'to do what is right,' or 'to act with fairness.'  In this case, the right and fair thing for me to do was to stop being so angry; to stop whining about my circumstances and my family; to quit holding a grudge and being bitter and resentful; and to show forgiveness towards them, even when it's not asked for, not accepted or ignored altogether.

**To love mercy -- when you really love someone or something (and I'm not talking here about the way you feel about Triple Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream or about your new iPhone), you become all about that someone or that something; you dedicate and devote you life to them or to it.  For example, you love animals, so perhaps you dedicate and devote your life to becoming a veterinarian, or an advocate for abandoned and abused animals.  When you love Jesus with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength, you dedicate and devote your life to living for and serving Him in whatever ways you can.  Your life becomes all about Him as you show yourself to the world as a man or woman of God.   Again, in this case, I see the Lord leading me to be a woman who is all about mercy, dedicating and devoting my life to showing it to others.  But most especially in this instance, showing that mercy to my family by not giving them what I think and believe they deserve.

**And to walk humbly with your God -- May I come clean and be totally transparent here?  I am NOT a humble person.  In fact, I've struggled with humility for years.  Pride has been one of my main stumbling blocks in life.  I've some pretty good ideas on why that is, but that's not relevant right now.  The point here is, humility is most definitely not my strong suit. Yet the Lord has called me to be humble as I walk along with Him.  And as I was writing this, I realized that perhaps the key to overcoming my struggle with humility has everything to do with one word in this phrase: 'with.'  With God.  Not running ahead of Him or dilly-dallying behind Him, but walking right along with Him. As long as I'm walking in tandem with the Lord, with my focus totally on Him, I'm thinking there's less likelihood of my tripping over and entangling myself in those nets of pride that the enemy enjoys throwing across my path.

I have to say, being obedient and applying this lesson to my life later that morning wasn't easy for me. Things like this never are.  And indeed, it was a painful lesson (and one I'm hopeful I won't have to relearn anytime soon).  I must admit I'm extremely thankful that the Lord didn't see fit to pull my hip out of its socket, as He did with Jacob.

Have you been wrestling with God over a situation or a person lately?  Let me encourage you to waste no time in turning it or them over to Him and instead, do the very thing He requires of you:  To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with Him.

What good is there that I can do?
How can I please you?
How can I please you?

He has called you a man
What is good
And what does the Lord require of you?
But to do justice, to love kindness
And to walk humbly with your God~ Micah 6:8, by Phil Keaggy