Fear Factor

This morning, after my son had pulled out of his parking spot and drove off to work at the ungodly hour of 5:30 AM, I remained standing outside on our tiny front steps, staring up at the moon. 

Even though he is almost 21, I still walk out with him, under the various guises of hanging up our decorative front porch flag, taking some early morning pics, or putting out the garbage and making sure the front door is locked. Sadly, over the past few years, our neighborhood seems to have become home to some pretty unsavory and even dangerous characters, and we’ve come to know the township police officers here on a first-name basis.

I heard a noise near our alley, and felt a chill hit me that didn’t come from the frigid morning temperatures. Literally frozen with fear, I couldn’t move. I held my breath and waited. Nothing happened. No one appeared. 

Breathing out a sigh of relief, I glanced back up in the sky towards the moon, which looked to be fighting to be seen amid some clouds and the tree branches, and this verse suddenly came to mind:

In this life, we never seem to run out of things to fear, do we? Whether due to bad, past experiences (our own or even someone else’s), or because of future unknowns/uncertainties, all of us have a fear factor. 

We don't like to admit it, but we're all afraid of SOMETHING. And, for the most part, not all of us are afraid of the same things.

Some people are afraid of heights (that would be me)

Some are afraid of insects or big dogs or bats (oh my!)

Other folks are afraid of flying, of driving in snowy/icy weather or across bridges, or of public speaking (me once again)

And still others are afraid of the dark or of thunderstorms

At times, it may feel as if our fears, much like the bare, spidery tree branches in the photo above, are reaching up, entangling us and choking the light and life right out of us. 

In the midst of moments or even seasons that appear to be or truly are dark and fearful, we may think "what to do?", as a friend’s son used to say when he was very small.

The only thing you CAN do when you’re afraid: put your trust in God.

Some time ago, not long after I was handed my breast cancer diagnosis and just before I was about to be wheeled into surgery because of it, I was handed something else. Psalm 56:3

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Being a still-wet-behind-the-ears follower of Jesus and pretty much new to Scripture PERIOD (let alone its memorization), I had never heard of this verse. But, like a drowning woman, I grabbed onto it like the lifeline that it was for me (and still is), and held on for dear life!

I repeated it over and over in my head as my journey to the operating room took an unexpected detour to a ‘holding room,’ because the results of an earlier, routine (but obviously pretty important) pre-admission test had not come back yet.

I whispered the verse out loud again and again as medical personnel scurried around me, checking my vitals, making frantic phone calls to the lab for those missing in action test results, and doing their best to reassure me that everything would be fine.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

But this verse REALLY hit home once I was finally brought into the blindingly bright and starkly sterile operating room as several folks from the surgical team lifted me off the gurney and placed me onto the hard, bare operating table, while two others each grabbed an arm of mine and stretched them out to insert more tubes and attach more wires.

It was a frightening moment for me, and a somewhat bizarre thought wormed its way into my brain. I wondered if Jesus had felt that same sickening fear overtake and overwhelm Him as the Roman soldiers stretched His arms out onto the cross? Could the Father have impressed these very words from the Psalms upon Jesus during His time of agony in the garden of Gethsemane? Did He bring them to mind as nails and hammers were poised above His hands and feet? 

Did KNOWING that He could COMPLETELY trust in His Abba bring Jesus some measure of comfort, peace and the strength to endure what was coming at that very moment?

Because they did for me. Those 9 simple words -- “When I am afraid, I will trust in You”  -- plus the realization that Jesus could relate to what I was going through (fear), supernaturally brought me to a place of peace, comfort and the strength to endure what was coming, at the same time removing that fear factor.

And just for the record: although it sounds absolutely unthinkable, outrageous, and even sacrilegious for me to compare my circumstance to Jesus’s, please know that is certainly NOT my intent here. I merely wish to share my thoughts from the moments before my surgery, and to point out that IF that small portion of Scripture had indeed invaded Jesus's thoughts that long ago Friday afternoon, I HAVE TO believe that He surely must have benefited from it as well.

I deposited that verse, securely and permanently, into my heart that day, carrying it with me as I headed off to surgery. I continued to carry it into the second surgery that came along 6 months later. It remained there through the upcoming, draining chemo treatments; through the endless, taxing tests and painful procedures that awaited down the road.

And for all the dark and scary situations and experiences that have confronted-- and continue to confront -- me and my family since then, it remains my ‘go to’ verse.

Beloved - maybe you’ve found yourself in the midst of a dark and scary situation right now:

• The loss of a loved one
• or of a job
• or of a home 
• The shattering of a marriage 
• or of a friendship
• or of a parent/child relationship 
• Or your own health or financial crisis

And that light at the end of the tunnel everyone speaks of?  It seems somewhat hazy and not very bright -- if it can be seen at all. That still, small voice of God others remind you to listen for can often barely be heard above the crashing waves and deafening claps of thunder in your life’s particular storms.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Dear one – may I encourage you and urge you TODAY to grab hold of this verse with both hands? And don't EVER let go. Carry it close to you in the midst of fear and uncertainty; as you walk through the tunnel's darkness and maneuver the raging storms.

  

Memorize it

Meditate on it

Whisper it

Shout it

Believe it

Own it

It’s not a magical incantation. It’s a powerful statement of faith and trust in the only One Who can bring you out of darkness, shelter you in life's storms and factor out your fear. 

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail), by Hillsong United

Then Peter called to Him, "Lord, if it's really You, tell me to come to You, walking on the water."

"Yes, come," Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and waves, he was terrified and began to sink. "Save me, Lord!" he shouted.

Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. "You have so little faith," Jesus said. "Why did you doubt Me?" ~Matthew 14:28-31, NLT

Jesus --

Trust Him to call you.

Trust Him to be there for you.

Trust Him to hear your cries for help.

Trust Him to catch you when you're sinking in an ocean of doubt and fear, and your circumstances appear hopeless.

Trust Him to carry you to safety.

Trust Him to provide you with everything you'll ever need.

Trust Him.

Worship Song Sunday -- You Are I Am, by Mercy Me

'While Jesus was still speaking, some men came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue ruler. "Your daughter is dead," they said, "why bother the Teacher anymore?" Ignoring what they said, Jesus told the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe." '~Mark 5:35-36

' "If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."  Immediately, the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" '~Mark 9:23-24

'But when they saw Him walking on the lake, they thought He was a ghost. They cried out because they all saw Him and were terrified.  Immediately, He spoke to them and said, "Take courage. It is I. Don't be afraid." '~Mark 6:49-50

'But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'~2 Corinthians 12:9

'Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I Am!" '~John 8:58

Bridegroom, The Great I Am, by Dee Brestin

Whenever you doubt; whenever you're afraid; whenever you think you have to do everything on your own, in your own strength, remember who He is.....

You are the One Messiah....You are I AM!

A Word For The Overwhelmed

So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don't give up. ~ Galatians 6:9, HCSB

When things are flying at you from all directions; when you feel bombarded and frustrated and weary, ill-equipped to face what (or whom) is staring you down; when anxiety and fear threaten to paralyze you today; when whatever you have done and are currently doing looks like it's not making any difference to anyone, but instead, seems like SUCH a waste of time -- take a breath. Look to and lean on your God and your King.

Walking Through The Hard

When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. ~ Job 2:11-13, NIV

I wanted to share something with all of you out here in the Blogosphere, and it is now my extreme honor to do so.  


Today's post focuses on how we as Christians often deal with those people in our lives who are broken, hurting, struggling and suffering.  Many on a daily basis.   Most times, since we seem to be really uncomfortable around them or are unsure what to say, we simply avoid them.  


Or sometimes, like Job's buddies, we try to pinpoint their problems with misspoken words in the hopes of 'fixing' them.  Job's friends were really off to a great start in comforting him in his time of need....until they opened their mouths.


Or perhaps -- you yourself are among the broken, the hurting, the struggling and the suffering.  And nobody really seems to understand what you're dealing with or knows what to say to you.


I did not write this.  It was written by someone else, a young woman named Rebekah Bell, who posted it on her Facebook page.  Rebekah's friend, Christi Armstrong, a Christian mom and poetry and blog writer (like many of us here), felt her friend's message was of such an important nature that she shared it on HER Facebook page, which is where I found and read it.


And after reading it, I too felt so strongly about the subject matter, that I contacted Christi and asked for her and Rebekah's permission to share it myself. 


As Christi noted when she reposted this:

"The only way things will change is if we all actually change them. Jesus went to the hurting and sat with them, where they were. He didn't sit in His comfortable life and avoid the pain others were going through. We need to start living like Jesus..." 


Amen, sister, amen!  Read on -- let Rebekah Bell's words and her heart's cry seep not only into your mind, but into your heart and soul as well.  And perhaps -- let them change you and how you see those in your life who are hurting as they attempt to walk through the hard......

To Walk Through The Hard 
by Rebekah Bell


So God is teaching me how to “walk through the hard." 

This past month has been insane.  Not just because of stuff in my universe… but because many people I love are going through genuinely "tough times".  Tough health news.  Tough relationship news.  Tough job news.  Tough times in their lives.

And what has been unusual for me is to watch Christians "dive into" these tough situations.  These situations are in different parts of the country.  Dealing with different varieties of Christians.  But the response, across the board, seems to be the same.  Well meaning followers are attempting to fix other people’s complex situations with "one size fits all" answers.

Without divulging details of anything, many of these situations are degenerating. Some involve diseases that won’t end in recovery.  Relationships that are broken in ways that would be difficult to ever fix.  Jobs that were lost because of a dying economy, making finding replacement positions immediately unlikely.  

In this, how does the church help?  Promises of prayer. Which are nice, but lonely solutions.  People sit alone in their damaged lives, while you wander off to your happier situation to pray.  Some tossed around trite scripture passages talking about "seasons" or "making things perfect in their time" or that "God has great plan for you."  Which are nice.  But like handing someone a flashlight without batteries, when faith is shaken by circumstance.

And sadly, I am not much help either.  My heart isn’t full of grand solutions.  Recently, I had to face the reality of my Grandmother’s mental condition.  First, you have to understand, my Grandmother was my rock.  She helped raise me.  More than a Grandmother, she was my friend. We chatted about school.  She taught me to drive. When times were hard, growing up, she let me sit in her house and cry (that happened a lot).  My Grandmother now seems to have developed dementia.  The person that I loved has changed into someone unpredictable.  I am watching one of the most precious relationships in my life slip away and I can’t stop it.

To help me deal, someone gave me the "it gets better" speech.  Seriously.  From this, there is no better.  The relationship that I once had is going to slip away, not get better.  

What I need is people who are willing to help me "walk through the hard."  Not tell me "look for the better."

But this is where Christians seem to "land."  Easy quotes that are supposed to make things better.  A prayer.  Pat on the head.  And you are off.  Faith bright and shiny.  Into a world with complex situations. Shouting "keep the faith" at people, from the safety of shore, as they bail water from a sinking boat.  

Why can’t we let the bad stuff be bad?  The hard stuff be hard?  Situations remain broken.  Why are we quick to stick a band aid on a broken leg and tell people that they should be able to walk around.  Where does this impulse come from?

I think that it is because faith in a loving God is threatened by unlovely circumstances.  

And that is hard to deal with.  To travel that road.  And we are generally unwilling to do it.  We pray for protection in our lives and are happily isolated from the difficulties of others.  Holding out for them pretty pictures of uncomplicated faith, rather than sitting with them in the dark places, where there aren‘t beautiful things.  

I think we fear the hard.  That is why we can’t let it be hard.  And to me, empirically, the inevitable conclusion seems to be that God is frequently unwilling to make things easy.  He lets them be hard.  

Thus, if we are to call ourselves a people of a true faith, it is time for us to embrace the presence of hard things. To seek out darkness and not run away.  To resist the urge to make the complex, less than what it truly is.  To allow the faith to exist in the dark and forbidding places of life.  Situations where "better" is unlikely.  And not abandon those who are in pain, to the pain they are feeling. 


It is time to learn to walk through the hard.


"Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn." Romans 12:15, NIV

I Will Trust In You

A sweet friend of mine and precious daughter of the King was recently diagnosed with cancer. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we’ve been unable to speak in person. But we’ve been conversing through emails and cards, and yesterday, we were able to speak to each other over the phone.  As I’m writing this, my friend has most likely already been prepped for surgery.

I have walked this particular path through what author Emilie Barnes refers to as ‘Cancer Land.’ It is NOT an easy nor enjoyable path. It can often be dark and frightening and lonely. So many ‘what ifs.’ It certainly doesn’t help matters that when surgery is eminent, you are presented with information and paperwork to be signed in triplicate regarding Advanced Directives, Living Wills, Do Not Resuscitate Orders and the like.


It DOES help to know that others have walked that path before you and have made it through victoriously to the other side, and are waving you forward, cheering you onward. It helps to know that other people are taking time out of their busy schedules to sit before the LORD God and present your needs to Him. Not that He is unaware or needs reminding. We’re merely being obedient and bringing that person and their needs to the only One Who is Sovereign over them and their circumstances and can actually do something about them. God, as Twila Paris sings, IS in control.

I remember 9 years ago, right around this time, when I was preparing for my surgery. I, of course, had to be at the hospital ridiculously early, and God bless my pastor -- the man showed up to pray for me as my husband and I sat in the waiting room, filling out more of those wonderful forms. I’m sure he didn’t even have time to grab a cup of coffee on his way out the door.

At this time, it was also very early in my walk with the LORD God. I had come from a faith denomination that didn’t encourage their congregation to read the Bible -- apparently, it was only for those uber-holy and elite folk to read. So I didn’t have much of a repertoire of Bible verses stored away in my mind and my heart to encourage and sustain me. But after my pastor had finished praying, he shared a Bible verse with me that he said had helped him through a difficult and scary surgery:

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.” ~ Psalm 56:3

I had never heard that verse before, but I grabbed onto it and clung to it like a drowning victim clings to a lifeline thrown out to them. I repeated it over and over, even as I lay on the operating table, waiting for the surgery to begin, and this verse has stayed close to my heart over the years.
　
It came to me as I’ve been praying for my friend, who shared that yes, she has found herself anxious and afraid as the surgery date drew closer. Even though we DO know that the LORD God is with us, we are also only frail and flawed humans, and it can be easy to forget that when we’re staring down into that dark Pit of the Great Unknown.
As I prayed this verse for my friend earlier this morning, another verse came to mind immediately afterwards:

“Be strong and courageous, do not be terrified. Do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you, wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9

Later on, I prayed the verse again for my friend, and once again, a voice within my spirit came back with:

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you; do not be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with My victorious right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

It reminded me of something I learned in school when I was in choral music class. Our teacher (the incredibly hip and awesome Miss Borne) used a song by the band, Chicago (Oldster alert!), to show us something called ‘call and response.’ For the life of me, I can’t remember the name of the song, but in it, one of the singers would call out in song a particular line, and the other singer would respond to it. Back and forth it went. Even though I don’t remember the song, the concept has obviously stayed with me, oh these many years.

Our life is like a song. Sometimes, it can be a beautiful tune, with our singing out in praise and thanks to the LORD, and He responds; Zephaniah 3:17 tells us that He rejoices over us with singing. But then there are times, as in certain opera arias, when our song turns to one of fear and desperation --

“I’m so afraid!!”

-- and once again, He responds:

“For I am the LORD, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, ‘Do not fear; I will help you.” ~ Isaiah 41:13　

And we can then say, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”　

We call out --

“I feel so anxious and worried!!”

-- and our Jesus responds:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me.” ~ John 14:1

And we can then say: “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

We call out --

“I’m all alone!!”

-- and He responds:

“Remember I am with you always.” ~ Matthew 28:20

And we can then say, “When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

I have learned -- and continue learning -- that trust is KEY in my relationship with my Lord Jesus. I feel sometimes as if He is saying to me, “I JUST want you to TRUST Me!”




I don’t want to spend the remainder of my life paralyzed by fear and anxiety and loneliness and whatever else the enemy sees fit to throw my way.


I want to be:
Strong
Courageous
Fearless
Encouraged
Untroubled

I want to know I am:
Loved
Blessed
Held
Not alone
Cared for

There is a beautiful picture of the Lord Jesus called, ‘The Divine Mercy.’ The story goes that a young nun, Saint Maria Faustina of Poland, was commanded by the Lord Jesus Himself to have an image of Him painted, an image that He revealed to her. Underneath His image was to be placed this signature:

“Jesus, I trust in You.”

Whenever we are afraid, worried, confused, anxious --
Wherever or whatever kind of situation we may find ourselves in --


May we remember to trust in Him.


Open your eyes
But don’t let go of My hand
Let your tears give way to smiles
See the joy inside the trial Don’t worry, you’re safe with Me around
Rest assured I’m on your side
I won’t let you hit the ground
But close as it seems...Trust Me
Though you can’t see
You can trust Me
The way may be steep
You can trust Me
Let me lead...trust Me ~ Trust Me, by Crystal Lewis

Be Not Afraid

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD, your God, Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you.' " ~ Isaiah 41:10-13, NIV

I think it's safe to say that I've spent almost my entire life living in fear. That's a pretty sad and embarrassing confession to make.  Below is a list of some of the things that I've allowed a spirit of fear to infuse into my heart over the years:

Fear of the dark
Fear of flying
Fear of drowning
Fear of public speaking
Fear of change
Fear of pain
Fear of cancer
Fear of failure
Fear of being rejected and abandoned
Fear of being unloved
Fear of letting go
Fear of dying

Pretty hefty little list I've been lugging around all this time, don't you think?

Fear -- it's the roadblock to recovery and redemption, to hope and healing.
Fear -- it's the stumbling block to salvation and serenity.

As followers of Christ, the spirit of fear should have no rule or reign over our lives. But as flawed and fallible human beings, it can. If we let it. And oh....sadly, how I have let it!

The spirit of fear can rise up in one area of your life, and much like cancer, if not recognized and treated aggressively, will metastasize quickly to all other areas, paralyzing you and choking the very breath right out of you.

God's Word has so much to say about not allowing ourselves to be held captive by fear.  We are told again and again to 'fear not,' 'be not afraid,' and 'do not be terrified.'  In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses encourages the people of Israel, who are about to cross over the Jordan into the Promised Land, with this message of truth from the LORD God: "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:6, NLT).  And then to Joshua, who would be leading them there, Moses said: “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NLT).  The prophet Isaiah tells us that the LORD says, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine" (Isaiah 43:1, NIV).   And Jeremiah, the youthful prophet, was fearful of speaking to the nations, as God had appointed him to do, and began to make excuses, but God said to him, “Do not say, ‘I am a youth,’ because everywhere I send you, you shall go, and all that I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you” (Jeremiah 1:7-8, NASB).  

In the book of Romans, Paul reminds the church then, as well as us today, that we "did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption" (Romans 8:15, NIV).  Paul also points out to his protégé, Timothy, that  "God did not give us a spirit of timidity and fear, but of power, love and self-discipline" (2 Timothy 1:7, NLT).  And the apostle John tells us that "God is love", and that His "perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love" (1 John 4:16b;18, NLT).   A notation in my study Bible states that love and fear are opposites.  Never looked at it that way, but now that I have, I'd tend to agree.  How can you truly love Someone (God) of whom you're deathly afraid?   How can you be afraid of Someone you truly, dearly love? 

In Psalm 27:1, David poses these two statements and accompanying questions: THE LORD is my Light and my Salvation--whom shall I fear or dread? The LORD is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?  If these statements are true in my own life, then whom am I fearing and dreading?  Of  whom am I afraid?  Those are questions I've had to ask myself and contemplate recently.  Yesterday, in response to an email prayer request of mine for two of my family members, a friend called me.  She wasted no time, minced no words and refused to sugarcoat her message that I was being held captive to a spirit of fear, and that I needed to be serious and relentless about removing it from my life and my home.  This was NOT what I was looking to hear and acknowledge from my friend...or from anyone for that matter.  It was a hard, awkward and extremely painful message to receive.  It made me physically cringe, but it was a necessary message --a warning, if you will.  And it was the truth.  The truth, spoken in love: I am a prisoner to the spirit of fear.  

The spirit of fear is a weapon that Satan, our adversary, wields easily and skillfully in battle.  Make no mistake, dear ones -- satantic attacks and spiritual warfare are FOR REAL. We are delusional if we do not believe that we are fully engaged in a daily battle for our souls and for the souls of our precious loved ones, most especially for our children (young and adult children alike). 

When this spirit of fear take over, it blinds and deafens me to the truths that God is in control, that He is faithful, that I can trust Him with everything and that He is mighty to save.  I've allowed the spirit of fear to give growth to the problematic circumstances and people in my life until they tower over me like hideous, monstrous giants.  I've allowed the spirit of fear to wipe out my memory of what God has done for me in the past.  In Samuel 17, a young David stood up to fight against the Philistine giant, Goliath.  King Saul tried to disuade him, telling David he was just a boy.  But David told Saul, “Your servant has been keeping his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:34-35;37, NIV).  David was fearless, not caving into a spirit of fear, because he remembered what God had done for him in the past.

Like the ten of the twelve spies that whom Moses sent to survey the Promised Land, I've allowed a spirit of fear to distort my view of my circumstances and to focus only on the negative and on those things that seem to be larger than life.  And like the apostle Peter, after stepping out of the boat to walk on water towards his Savior, I've taken my eyes off Jesus and allowed a spirit of fear to engulf me and try to drown me.

Notice each time, I've said that I've 'allowed it.'  Because I have.  But my friend's words cut me to the heart, and I can no longer allow a spirit of fear to remain in my life and hold me captive.  It must be removed. I must break free.

But how?  What am I to do when I find myself in fear's vise grip?  

Look to God's Word.  Listen for His Voice of truth within the Scriptures; cling tightly to Him and to them, and stand firmly on His promises. Remember what He has done in the past and KNOW that He will deliver me from present and future trials and difficulties.  Have faith and trust God, taking Him at His word, because He is worthy of my trust.  I mentioned David's fearlessness against Goliath.  Later on in the book of Psalms, it's apparent that David struggled with a spirit of fear:  "My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me.  Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest—  I would flee far away and stay in the desert; Selah. I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” (Psalm 55:4-8, NIV).   What removed that spirit of fear from David?  In the very next psalm, David states exactly what he did and what I need to do in order to vanquish this spirit of fear that has haunted me for years and break free from this prison that I've allowed it to cast me into:

 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" (Psalm 56:3-4, NIV). 

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"~ Voice of Truth, by Casting Crowns
(I've included the beautiful song and video below)

Under Attack

This past Monday night was the kick off for my church's Vacation Bible School (or Kids Camp, as they call it now). This is the first time in 11 years that I've never really been deeply involved in it. I'm just kind of there for support for two dear friends of mine who are heading up the station I'd done for several years. So there’s not much stress on me this time around, no running around like the crazy woman that I can be, decorating, setting up, trying to buy every item for our room that I think we could possibly need for the week (it’s the snack room for VBS station leaders and helpers). All I really did for the first night was to print out a sign for the door so people knew where we were, burn a music CD to play in the background as the volunteers sit and relax and chat for a few minutes during their break, run out to buy some coffee from Dunkin Donuts, and then help with clean up at the end of the evening. Compared to other years, this was a cake walk.

My kids and I returned home close to 10:00 PM, and got ready for bed. I was really tired, not because of anything I did (again, all minimal stuff), but because it’s extremely humid this week with temps soaring into the high 90s. Even with air conditioning, this weather just drains me. I laid down in bed, all prepared to get a good night's sleep and.....my heart started to pound, and my mind began racing faster than NASCAR driver Kyle Busch at the Nationwide Series race this past weekend.

And the thoughts that were on parade....so absolutely frightening and ugly. I lay there paralyzed for awhile by the fear and anxiety that suddenly had me in its grip. I tried to pray, but couldn't.  Those dark, anxious thoughts just kept tripping me up. I tried quoting Scripture in my head, but I couldn't remember a single one. I kept getting stuck. It was like I was brain dead and that scared me even more. I tried deep breathing exercises...yeah, those exercises they teach you during childbirthing classes that NEVER WORK while you're in labor.  Well, they didn't work this time, either. I tossed, I turned, I sat up, I cried, I went downstairs for water and grabbed my iPod, hoping music would distract and calm me.  Wrong.  I can probably name  every single, solitary song I listened to in my musical library.  NOTHING helped. And those ugly, dark, fearful and anxious thoughts just kept coming, surrounding me, dancing around in my brain. I realized that this was no doubt spiritual warfare, a horrific attack on my mind and my heart, although for the life of me, I can't see that I'm doing anything tremendous for the LORD this year at VBS, so why all the flaming missiles headed my way? Maybe because both of my teens are involved as volunteers? Perhaps even our smallest, most humble acts of service for the LORD are able to cause some big ripples in the lives of other people, big enough ripples to enrage the enemy and bring us under attack. Knowing this, however, did nothing to comfort me. I felt like I was dying. All I could do was whisper the Name of Jesus, over and over, begging Him for some relief.

 
As it began to get light, I fell asleep for about 30 minutes or so, and then my 'dog alarm' went off....my Doberman, Casey, wakes me up every day with her big dog snout in my face, or she'll paw at me until I acknowledge her and move off the bed and towards the bag of dog food awaiting her in the kitchen. I was a great, big wreck as I stumbled downstairs, mind still racing, heart still pounding.  After I fed the dog, I sat before the LORD and cried and continued to beg for some relief from this attack.  I could barely focus, I was shaking and in pain. Trying to function on half an hour of sleep while trying to deal with what felt like a never ending anxiety attack will do that to you. I picked up my "Jesus Calling" book and the first few lines of yesterday’s entry hit me like a wave of cool water:

"Bring Me all your feelings, even the ones you wish you didn't have. Fear and anxiety still plague you. Feelings per se are not sinful, but they can be temptations to sin. Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; these attacks from the evil one come at you relentlessly."

YIKES!!!  He KNEW!!  Why did I think my LORD hadn’t been listening, that He wasn’t aware of my awful plight? Of COURSE He heard and knew. I eagerly looked up the Scripture references for that day, and Isaiah 12:2 was the verse that I held tightly to throughout the day:

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation.”
Later in the day, the LORD used a phone call, three email messages and a face book chat from three sweet sisters-in-Christ (thank You, Jesus, for Cecilia, Toni and Linda!) to bring me some much needed encouragement and prayerful support.  Linda, who sent me the three separate emails, had NO idea what I was going through at the time, yet each email was brimming with God’s Word, and messages from Him that I needed to hear to remind me that He was in control, He was for me and not against me, He was on my side, He was holding my hand, I could cast ALL my anxieties on Him, and that His perfect peace would guard my heart and my mind through this attack and future attacks.  All those truths I seem to forget about when I'm falling apart at the seams.

I’m happy to say that as the day went on and into Night Two of VBS, I was no longer tired, in pain, cranky or anxiety ridden. No small miracle to me! My mind slowed down to normal, my fearful thoughts had stopped bombarding me and I felt a peace that could only have come from Jesus. And, later, I was able to get 7 ½ hours of sweet, uninterrupted sleep! I’m so thankful to my Jesus for these simple, yet to me, powerful blessings.
I’ve included the beautiful picture that my friend, Linda, sent to me in one of her emails. It’s a picture taken at Sandy Cove, where our church holds its annual women’s retreat, and it’s a place which I always associate with the LORD’s perfect peace and true, loving presence.  I'm in awe that He knew exactly what I needed. 

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God…

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against? ~ Our God, by Chris Tomlin