Fear Factor

This morning, after my son had pulled out of his parking spot and drove off to work at the ungodly hour of 5:30 AM, I remained standing outside on our tiny front steps, staring up at the moon. 

Even though he is almost 21, I still walk out with him, under the various guises of hanging up our decorative front porch flag, taking some early morning pics, or putting out the garbage and making sure the front door is locked. Sadly, over the past few years, our neighborhood seems to have become home to some pretty unsavory and even dangerous characters, and we’ve come to know the township police officers here on a first-name basis.

I heard a noise near our alley, and felt a chill hit me that didn’t come from the frigid morning temperatures. Literally frozen with fear, I couldn’t move. I held my breath and waited. Nothing happened. No one appeared. 

Breathing out a sigh of relief, I glanced back up in the sky towards the moon, which looked to be fighting to be seen amid some clouds and the tree branches, and this verse suddenly came to mind:

In this life, we never seem to run out of things to fear, do we? Whether due to bad, past experiences (our own or even someone else’s), or because of future unknowns/uncertainties, all of us have a fear factor. 

We don't like to admit it, but we're all afraid of SOMETHING. And, for the most part, not all of us are afraid of the same things.

Some people are afraid of heights (that would be me)

Some are afraid of insects or big dogs or bats (oh my!)

Other folks are afraid of flying, of driving in snowy/icy weather or across bridges, or of public speaking (me once again)

And still others are afraid of the dark or of thunderstorms

At times, it may feel as if our fears, much like the bare, spidery tree branches in the photo above, are reaching up, entangling us and choking the light and life right out of us. 

In the midst of moments or even seasons that appear to be or truly are dark and fearful, we may think "what to do?", as a friend’s son used to say when he was very small.

The only thing you CAN do when you’re afraid: put your trust in God.

Some time ago, not long after I was handed my breast cancer diagnosis and just before I was about to be wheeled into surgery because of it, I was handed something else. Psalm 56:3

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Being a still-wet-behind-the-ears follower of Jesus and pretty much new to Scripture PERIOD (let alone its memorization), I had never heard of this verse. But, like a drowning woman, I grabbed onto it like the lifeline that it was for me (and still is), and held on for dear life!

I repeated it over and over in my head as my journey to the operating room took an unexpected detour to a ‘holding room,’ because the results of an earlier, routine (but obviously pretty important) pre-admission test had not come back yet.

I whispered the verse out loud again and again as medical personnel scurried around me, checking my vitals, making frantic phone calls to the lab for those missing in action test results, and doing their best to reassure me that everything would be fine.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

But this verse REALLY hit home once I was finally brought into the blindingly bright and starkly sterile operating room as several folks from the surgical team lifted me off the gurney and placed me onto the hard, bare operating table, while two others each grabbed an arm of mine and stretched them out to insert more tubes and attach more wires.

It was a frightening moment for me, and a somewhat bizarre thought wormed its way into my brain. I wondered if Jesus had felt that same sickening fear overtake and overwhelm Him as the Roman soldiers stretched His arms out onto the cross? Could the Father have impressed these very words from the Psalms upon Jesus during His time of agony in the garden of Gethsemane? Did He bring them to mind as nails and hammers were poised above His hands and feet? 

Did KNOWING that He could COMPLETELY trust in His Abba bring Jesus some measure of comfort, peace and the strength to endure what was coming at that very moment?

Because they did for me. Those 9 simple words -- “When I am afraid, I will trust in You”  -- plus the realization that Jesus could relate to what I was going through (fear), supernaturally brought me to a place of peace, comfort and the strength to endure what was coming, at the same time removing that fear factor.

And just for the record: although it sounds absolutely unthinkable, outrageous, and even sacrilegious for me to compare my circumstance to Jesus’s, please know that is certainly NOT my intent here. I merely wish to share my thoughts from the moments before my surgery, and to point out that IF that small portion of Scripture had indeed invaded Jesus's thoughts that long ago Friday afternoon, I HAVE TO believe that He surely must have benefited from it as well.

I deposited that verse, securely and permanently, into my heart that day, carrying it with me as I headed off to surgery. I continued to carry it into the second surgery that came along 6 months later. It remained there through the upcoming, draining chemo treatments; through the endless, taxing tests and painful procedures that awaited down the road.

And for all the dark and scary situations and experiences that have confronted-- and continue to confront -- me and my family since then, it remains my ‘go to’ verse.

Beloved - maybe you’ve found yourself in the midst of a dark and scary situation right now:

• The loss of a loved one
• or of a job
• or of a home 
• The shattering of a marriage 
• or of a friendship
• or of a parent/child relationship 
• Or your own health or financial crisis

And that light at the end of the tunnel everyone speaks of?  It seems somewhat hazy and not very bright -- if it can be seen at all. That still, small voice of God others remind you to listen for can often barely be heard above the crashing waves and deafening claps of thunder in your life’s particular storms.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Dear one – may I encourage you and urge you TODAY to grab hold of this verse with both hands? And don't EVER let go. Carry it close to you in the midst of fear and uncertainty; as you walk through the tunnel's darkness and maneuver the raging storms.

  

Memorize it

Meditate on it

Whisper it

Shout it

Believe it

Own it

It’s not a magical incantation. It’s a powerful statement of faith and trust in the only One Who can bring you out of darkness, shelter you in life's storms and factor out your fear. 

Snapshots For His Glory -- 1 John 1:7

For anyone keeping up with me here on the blog, you may have noticed my posts have been sporadic for many months. I just haven't felt many 'nudges' from the Holy Spirit to share any lessons or messages via the written word as much as I used to.

However, that's not to say that He hasn't been moving and inspiring me in other ways and through other venues -- like photography!

I didn't grow up with a desire nor a love for taking photos. Oh sure, I took pictures of friends, concerts and such growing up, using my dad's Brownie camera or my own Polaroid One Step (showing my age here!); and then of course, years later, loads of pictures of my children with those lovely little disposable cameras. But to be honest, I was notorious for blurry pics and shots with people's heads chopped off (for me, disposable cameras = disposable photos), so more often than not, if someone placed a camera in my hand, I was more than happy to pass it right on back to them or to someone else! 

It's not to say I didn't enjoy capturing those 'Kodak moments' in life -- I just knew I was really lousy at doing so! 

There was no 'Aha!' moment for me; nor did I experience some grand epiphany where a chorus of angels sang and I suddenly realized photography was to become some sort of 'calling' for me. I do, however, remember that after my husband let me borrow his digital camera several years ago while on a beach vacation, I became aware I was actually ENJOYING capturing the beauty all around me on land, sea and sky, and found myself looking forward to seeking out more and more of these peaceful and joy-filled instances.

My husband took note of this, and to my great surprise (read TOTAL SHOCK), bought me two digital cameras and accompanying equipment last year.

Gradually and quietly came moments when, after downloading a bunch of photos and viewing them, a Scripture verse would suddenly come to mind for a particular shot. Or, while reading, I'd come across an inspiring, meaningful quote and think, "Hey, I've got a picture somewhere that would go along perfectly with this!" 

Hence, my most recent delight in combining God's Word, as well as the words of godly people, with His glorious works of art. 

Devotional times of worship with a camera -- who knew??

No, I have no intentions of turning In The Shadow Of His Wings into strictly a photo blog. But hopefully, once a week or so, I'd like to share one of the sights and Scriptures (or faith-filled sayings) that God has inspired me to create.

Sometimes -- along with me -- you'll find in certain photos that God is practically SHOUTING AND SINGING OUT LOUD of His love for you and His desire to bless, captivate and encourage you, through the vivid colors of a bird's feathers, a flower's petals or a rainbow, and the glorious brilliance of His sunrises, sunsets and radiant moon risings.

And other times, He'll gently take you aside, sit alongside you, and reveal Himself quietly to you in the most mundane and common pictorial moments -- a door, a table, some rocks, a tree stump or a concrete pathway through a park.

Call it a ministry, if you like. Whatever it is, it's my great joy to be able to share these little snapshots and snippets of faith to encourage, inspire, offer hope or to bring comfort, peace and God's blessings to anyone who stops by here to visit. 

Chase -- Chasing After The Heart of God

Recently, I was contacted by a publicist from Shelton Interactive and asked if I would be interested in reviewing a DVD-driven women’s Bible study by Bible teacher/author/speaker, Jennie Allen. The study is called ‘Chase: Chasing After The Heart Of God.’ I’d heard Jennie on several Focus On The Family radio broadcasts a few months ago, and last year, I’d purchased her latest book, ‘Anything.’ So after prayerfully considering this request, I decided to give it a shot and said yes. 

Never EVER having reviewed anything, I have to admit I was pretty nervous when I received the package from Thomas Nelson Publishing, Inc. and wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into. Inside the package were the various tools of the trade: two books – one for study and one a leader’s guide – a DVD and a small box bursting with cards, labeled ‘ask.’ I was intrigued. 

While at first blush, I was of the honest opinion that this study seemed geared towards and better suited for a younger audience of women, I’ve since rescinded that opinion. This study is for EVERY WOMAN -- young, old and in-between -- who desires to be a woman after God’s own heart. 

The question Jennie Allen asks right out of the gate is:

‘What are you chasing?’

She goes on to state that ‘we’re all chasing something, something that we think will make us happy – comfort, success, a bigger house, or someone’s approval.  But if we are all honest, it feels like trying to catch the wind.’  This statement resonates deeply with me.  

The study is broken down as follows:

Lead -- The leader’s guide totally prepares you to facilitate this study, providing much encouragement and wise counsel along the way. I’ve NEVER facilitated a Bible study. Too scary and overwhelming a prospect for me, although I have several dear friends who have led studies for years and who tell me they can see me doing this.  Reading through the 'Chase'  leader’s guide, I was impressed with the wise and useful advice that Jennie provides, making facilitating the study actually seem doable for someone with zero experience in this realm.  I SO appreciated the attention to detail here with the various tools and tips shared, most especially regarding guiding conversations (and what to do when faced with specific challenges from a group member or members), as well as when and how to refer a deeply hurting member of the group to the proper helpful and professional resources, such as Christian counselors and the Christian 12 step group, Celebrate Recovery.  

Study -- The study guide/workbook uses projects, stories, and bible study to engage the mind and heart.  There are seven weeks of bible study, plus an introductory session. Lesson titles include  ‘courage,’  ‘repentance,’ and  ‘surrender.’  Each chapter is engulfed and practically saturated with relevant portions of Scripture for the particular lesson. I believe that through this study, which explores defining moments in the God-centered, very real and raw, mistake filled and messy life of shepherd, king and psalm writer, David, and the lessons he learned from them, women of all backgrounds and life seasons will gain a greater insight into and understanding of the heart of God.

There is journaling involved (if you’ve never done this, fear not! It’s a wonderful thing to do and no need to be an English major or a professional author to jot down your heart-felt thoughts), and little exercises to get your creative and spiritual juices flowing (although I must admit, I really didn't care for the ones that required you to draw. Everything I draw anymore looks like stick figures done by a preschooler). Getting together with a small, intimate group of women seems to be the best way to go here, but if you are entertaining thoughts of using this for a large group study at your church instead, it would be a good idea to break it down into smaller groups during the study time. 

See -- There are eight short, but deep videos (and conveniently, all on one disc) to provide a starting place for meeting God and for transparent conversations with one another. Each video lasts about is 8-12 minutes. First off, I loved the fact that these were just the right amount of time. I’ve been a part of DVD driven studies where the video took up most of the time, and not allowing for much interaction and sharing among the women. And then, there are the scenes. Oh, those scenes! Jennie has the various sessions filmed in a variety of eclectic locales -- a trailer, her bathroom, a quaint little sewing shop in a small Texas town, an auto salvage yard, a gorgeous field at sunset, to name just a few -- which made Jennie and her lessons come off to me in a very non-threatening, non-self-righteous, simplistic and appealing way. I believe so many women will be able to relate to her. Jennie Allen comes across here as very real and approachable, as she not only speaks of David's struggles and sins, but her own as well. And the feeling I got as I watched was that I was sitting and having a private conversation with a treasured, trusted friend over coffee about the things that matter most to us….and to God. 

Ask-- These are great! Conversation cards offer questions for spontaneous and authentic discussion time. The cards are divided by workbook lesson and have a correlating Scripture verse for the week. The best part about this is that each woman gets to choose the questions that speak to her. Questions like, 

• ‘What has God asked you to do, but you feel afraid to do?‘  

• ‘How do you think God views you?‘

• ‘Are you quick to share weakness or are you afraid of seeming imperfect?’

• ‘Is your desire to please people bigger than your desire to please God? How is that affecting your decisions and life?’

I LOVE this idea, as it’s something quite different to engage the women in the group, to keep things fresh, and to help drive home the particular spiritual truth, as well as encouraging participation in a non-threatening way for those who may not normally speak up in group settings.

On the back of the study workbook, it states that the lessons found in the study guide are simple, yet deep. I wholeheartedly agree.  In the past, I’ve been in bible studies where I was able to finish the week’s homework on my coffee break at work. Believe me, I’m no genius nor bible scholar; it was simply a matter of the study questions barely scratching the surface. They did not cause me to look at and dig deep into my heart and soul for the answers.  

However, 'Chase' will invite you to do just that. It is both engaging and interactive, thought provoking and heart convicting.  You won’t need a PhD in Biblical literature to ‘get’ this study; yet I did not find ‘Chase’ to be a piece of mindless fluff either. This is not a coffee klatch disguised as a Bible study, folks. I enjoyed and was moved by what I learned as I reviewed and worked through the material, and I’m giving some serious thought here to inviting some friends of mine to do this study together in the near future.

So -- What are you chasing?

As summer approaches, this is the time of year when many women’s bible studies are winding down and coming to an end.  Whether you are looking for a summer bible study, or are in search of one to begin once September church activities resume, I encourage you to consider choose Jennie Allen‘s 'Chase.' 

This product has been provided courtesy of  Thomas Nelson Publishing, Inc.,  and  Shelton Interactive.  Many thanks to publicist Sara Pence at Shelton Interactive for providing me with the opportunity to review this study curriculum. 

To learn more about 'Chase' and about Jennie Allen, go to: www.jennieallen.com/

Whatever......

Have you ever read a portion of Scripture over and over, become so familiar with it you can quote it in your sleep, BUT THEN -- read it again one day and become aware of something totally brand new in it?  I had that happen today with Isaiah 6:1-8 ~

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:


“Holy, holy , holy is the Lord Almighty; 
    the whole earth is full of his glory.”
 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.


 “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.”


 Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar.  With it he touched my mouth and said, “See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for. ”


 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us? ”


And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

The Vision of Isaiah, by Luke Allsbrook

I noticed something today in this passage that I never noticed before.  God NEVER mentions WHERE He is looking to send this certain someone He's asking for.  He doesn't say, "Whom shall I send to the land or town of ..........?"  "And who will go for us?"


Ummm....go where?  And to whom? To do what? God is pretty much light on logistics here. 


Yet Isaiah is more than ready, willing and able -- eager, even!! -- to go wherever, to whomever and to do whatever it is God has in mind. Can't you just picture Isaiah jumping up, waving his hand and shouting, "Here am I. Send me!"?


How many of us can honestly say we would do that? If God were to speak today and merely say, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?", I wonder how many people would jump up out of their comfy lifestyle seats, frantically waving their hand like Arnold Horshack from 'Welcome Back Kotter' (hopefully SOMEONE out there remembers Horshack and this '70's sitcom) and yelling, "Ooh, ooh oooh! Here I am, God!  Send me!!!!!"  

No specifics, no details, no Google Maps satellite view of the lay of the land given.  Just a simple question, with a simple faith and trust in a loving Abba Father being the desired response by He Who created us for so much -- one of those things being for us to become the hands and feet, the eyes and ears and the heart of His Son, Jesus Christ. 


Kind of a scary thing to imagine for some of us, yes? I think of the times over the years that I've heard stories from various folks, sharing how hesitant they were to say "Yes" to God in such an Isaiah-like way, frightened He would send them straight to Africa, or some other remote, forgotten and disease-ridden place on earth where even the staunchest of missionaries fear to tread. 


Truth be told -- I was one of those people. Fearful, distrustful, not very spontaneous and somewhat detail oriented.  In school or at a job, whenever a teacher or a boss would ask "who would like to volunteer for such-and-such?", I would avert my eyes and wish myself invisible, especially if (a) no logistics were initially offered, and/or (b) the volunteering would cause me to go somewhere, do something or interact with someone I found difficult or distasteful.  For years, I fluctuated between being like Moses, wrangling with God over my lengthy list of lame excuses, and acting like Jonah, speed boating it in the opposite direction of God and hiding below deck with eyes tightly shut.  Those of you who've been faithful readers of this little blog of mine might remember (or not) that I wrote a post with similar points back in December of last year called "The Struggle", where I described my grappling with being obedient to the Lord over something specific He was calling me to do at that time.  While I did finally say "yes" to His particular calling back then, I must admit it certainly wasn't with waving hands and joyful shouts, and my headstrong wrestling with Him over other things continued into the new year.


But all of that came to a screeching halt recently. Really, I can't even explain how it happened, except to give complete credit and glory to God, because over the past few months, I've been battling with some tough, very personal issues in my life.  And then to suddenly find myself being able to give God an Isaiah type response to His callings (notice the plural here) in the midst of it all is, well....kind of weird.  Kind of scary. SO...NOT...Me. 


But also, SO...Absolutely...Amazing.


Back in February, I was inspired to write this poem of sorts. As I was hand writing it into my journal, I remember thinking -- "What?? This isn't me, God.  I can't seriously and truthfully ever share this with anybody, because IT'S NOT WHO I AM!!! And You know it! Why would You have me write this, anyway?!"   I'm telling you, I must give God a real good chuckle (and no doubt, some big headaches, too) now and again with the things I say to Him. Because He knew all along that a time was coming soon when these words would be coming not just from my pen and my keyboard, but from my heart and my burning coal touched lips as well. To Him. 


And all I can say is this: When you surrender all to the Lord Jesus and allow Him total access to do whatever is necessary in your life; when you are ready, willing, able and --eager, even!! -- hold on tightly to Him, take a deep breath, and  be prepared for the ride of your life.  Is it easy?  No, not very. Get ready for twists and turns, ups and downs, and at times, you'll find yourself passing through tunnels where you can't see anything at all.  Like a roller coaster ride, it's exhilarating, breathtaking and frightening, all at once.

But don't be afraid.  God is right there with you -- along for the ride and the long haul.


Are you ready?

Whatever

Whatever word You have for me -

I will speak it.

Whatever song You write for me -

I  will sing it.

Whatever story You dictate to me -

I will write it.

Whatever gift You offer to me -

I will share it.

Whatever trial You present to me -

I will accept it.

Whatever burden You lay on me -

I will bear it.

Whatever truth You speak to me -

I will believe it.

Whatever promise You make to me -

I will stand upon it.

Whatever plan You have for me -

I will live it!