The Dark Side of Social Media

Darth Maul artwork credit

'Yes, in the past, you lived the way the world lives, following the ruler of the evil powers that are above the earth. That same spirit is now working in those who refuse to obey God.'~ Ephesians 2:2, NCV

This past week or so, I’ve found myself an unhappily captive audience to some ‘stuff’ that has been going down on the pages of several Facebook friends.

I use the word ‘captive’ quite loosely because in reality, I DO have the choice to just click off the page/site and do something else, like:

• Pray
• Take a walk
• Clean my toilet
• Or grab a cup of coffee and hunker down with a good book

Any one of those things or another would be a whole lot better than watching the sniping via status updates that come through my daily news feed, but often, I find it’s like a train wreck – you just can’t look away, although you desperately want to.

I know there are many positive things to be said about social media.  You can get to know and converse with people around the world, anytime day or night. You can make new friends, reconnect with old friends and family members, find MIA classmates, coworkers and lost pets. 

There are pages for reminiscing about happier times and places, for finding and sharing information and favorite photos, for posting links to funny videos, and pages on which to ask for and find prayer and community support.  These are just a small handful of the things I’ve found to be good and helpful and fun.

But social media does indeed have its Dark Side, with Facebook and Twitter, seemingly more and more often lately, serving as the virtual playground for cyber bullies and mean girl cliques.

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Over and over, people pick on and call out others in ways I believe they WOULD NEVER think of doing face-to-face, using the anonymity of their keyboard and computer/iPhone screen as their shield, and brandishing their words like Crocodile Dundee’s knife or Peter’s Narnian sword, even as they make feeble attempts to undercut their snarkiness and ill intent with well-placed terms of endearment (like ‘sweetie,’ ‘honey,’ ‘dearie,’ and the infamous, overly-used and totally worn out, ‘why, bless your heart’).

The playground then becomes the battlefield, and I’ve witnessed both the godly and the godless, Christian and carnal 'friends' warring and wounding one another.  And THIS, my friends, should not be.

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For others, when this occurs, the safest, easiest and best option would seem to be to retreat. Keep your head low and run away. Wave the white flag of surrender and give up. Kill the accounts and unplug from all things social media. To be honest, I consider doing this at least once a week. 

However, if you’re among those of us whom God has challenged to faithfully commit to shine His light into a ‘dark’ place by bringing His encouragement, joy, hope, support, compassion and understanding to the land of social media, then take a deep breath. Take heart. And remember the following things:

• Not everyone will like nor want to hear what you have to say. But we weren’t created to please man, but instead, to please God (Ezekiel 2:3-7; Galatians 1:10)

• Have confidence in your God given gifts and purpose (1 Thessalonians 2:4; 1 Peter 4:11; 2 Peter 1:3)

• Put on your armor daily. Not just pieces here and there, but the FULL armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17)

• Stand firm (Ephesians 6:11, 13; 1 Corinthians 15:58; 1 Corinthians 16:13)

• Don’t give up or lose heart (2 Corinthians 4:1; Galatians 6:9; Hebrews 12:3)

• Press on (Philippians 3:14)

• And stick close to the Lord, Who is Your Commander-In-Chief and your place of refuge and protection (Psalm 32:7; Psalm 61:3; Psalm 91:1-4; Romans 8:31-37)

Because while there are those out there on the virtual playground who seem to delight in pushing and kicking you around, and even more on the cyber battlefield who want to crush, 'kill,' and silence you – there are that many more who are hungry and thirsty and desperate for the message of hope, help and healing that is available through a life given over to Jesus Christ.

The message God has seen fit for you to carry on and hold out to them.

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'You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.' ~Ephesians 5:8-10, The Message

Fear Factor

This morning, after my son had pulled out of his parking spot and drove off to work at the ungodly hour of 5:30 AM, I remained standing outside on our tiny front steps, staring up at the moon. 

Even though he is almost 21, I still walk out with him, under the various guises of hanging up our decorative front porch flag, taking some early morning pics, or putting out the garbage and making sure the front door is locked. Sadly, over the past few years, our neighborhood seems to have become home to some pretty unsavory and even dangerous characters, and we’ve come to know the township police officers here on a first-name basis.

I heard a noise near our alley, and felt a chill hit me that didn’t come from the frigid morning temperatures. Literally frozen with fear, I couldn’t move. I held my breath and waited. Nothing happened. No one appeared. 

Breathing out a sigh of relief, I glanced back up in the sky towards the moon, which looked to be fighting to be seen amid some clouds and the tree branches, and this verse suddenly came to mind:

In this life, we never seem to run out of things to fear, do we? Whether due to bad, past experiences (our own or even someone else’s), or because of future unknowns/uncertainties, all of us have a fear factor. 

We don't like to admit it, but we're all afraid of SOMETHING. And, for the most part, not all of us are afraid of the same things.

Some people are afraid of heights (that would be me)

Some are afraid of insects or big dogs or bats (oh my!)

Other folks are afraid of flying, of driving in snowy/icy weather or across bridges, or of public speaking (me once again)

And still others are afraid of the dark or of thunderstorms

At times, it may feel as if our fears, much like the bare, spidery tree branches in the photo above, are reaching up, entangling us and choking the light and life right out of us. 

In the midst of moments or even seasons that appear to be or truly are dark and fearful, we may think "what to do?", as a friend’s son used to say when he was very small.

The only thing you CAN do when you’re afraid: put your trust in God.

Some time ago, not long after I was handed my breast cancer diagnosis and just before I was about to be wheeled into surgery because of it, I was handed something else. Psalm 56:3

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Being a still-wet-behind-the-ears follower of Jesus and pretty much new to Scripture PERIOD (let alone its memorization), I had never heard of this verse. But, like a drowning woman, I grabbed onto it like the lifeline that it was for me (and still is), and held on for dear life!

I repeated it over and over in my head as my journey to the operating room took an unexpected detour to a ‘holding room,’ because the results of an earlier, routine (but obviously pretty important) pre-admission test had not come back yet.

I whispered the verse out loud again and again as medical personnel scurried around me, checking my vitals, making frantic phone calls to the lab for those missing in action test results, and doing their best to reassure me that everything would be fine.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

But this verse REALLY hit home once I was finally brought into the blindingly bright and starkly sterile operating room as several folks from the surgical team lifted me off the gurney and placed me onto the hard, bare operating table, while two others each grabbed an arm of mine and stretched them out to insert more tubes and attach more wires.

It was a frightening moment for me, and a somewhat bizarre thought wormed its way into my brain. I wondered if Jesus had felt that same sickening fear overtake and overwhelm Him as the Roman soldiers stretched His arms out onto the cross? Could the Father have impressed these very words from the Psalms upon Jesus during His time of agony in the garden of Gethsemane? Did He bring them to mind as nails and hammers were poised above His hands and feet? 

Did KNOWING that He could COMPLETELY trust in His Abba bring Jesus some measure of comfort, peace and the strength to endure what was coming at that very moment?

Because they did for me. Those 9 simple words -- “When I am afraid, I will trust in You”  -- plus the realization that Jesus could relate to what I was going through (fear), supernaturally brought me to a place of peace, comfort and the strength to endure what was coming, at the same time removing that fear factor.

And just for the record: although it sounds absolutely unthinkable, outrageous, and even sacrilegious for me to compare my circumstance to Jesus’s, please know that is certainly NOT my intent here. I merely wish to share my thoughts from the moments before my surgery, and to point out that IF that small portion of Scripture had indeed invaded Jesus's thoughts that long ago Friday afternoon, I HAVE TO believe that He surely must have benefited from it as well.

I deposited that verse, securely and permanently, into my heart that day, carrying it with me as I headed off to surgery. I continued to carry it into the second surgery that came along 6 months later. It remained there through the upcoming, draining chemo treatments; through the endless, taxing tests and painful procedures that awaited down the road.

And for all the dark and scary situations and experiences that have confronted-- and continue to confront -- me and my family since then, it remains my ‘go to’ verse.

Beloved - maybe you’ve found yourself in the midst of a dark and scary situation right now:

• The loss of a loved one
• or of a job
• or of a home 
• The shattering of a marriage 
• or of a friendship
• or of a parent/child relationship 
• Or your own health or financial crisis

And that light at the end of the tunnel everyone speaks of?  It seems somewhat hazy and not very bright -- if it can be seen at all. That still, small voice of God others remind you to listen for can often barely be heard above the crashing waves and deafening claps of thunder in your life’s particular storms.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Dear one – may I encourage you and urge you TODAY to grab hold of this verse with both hands? And don't EVER let go. Carry it close to you in the midst of fear and uncertainty; as you walk through the tunnel's darkness and maneuver the raging storms.

  

Memorize it

Meditate on it

Whisper it

Shout it

Believe it

Own it

It’s not a magical incantation. It’s a powerful statement of faith and trust in the only One Who can bring you out of darkness, shelter you in life's storms and factor out your fear. 

Wordless Wednesday -- ....And Dance By The Light Of The Moon!

It will be as permanent as the moon, that faithful witness in the sky.” ~ Psalm 89:37, The Good News Translation

The Day In-Between

The next day, the one after Preparation Day, the chief priests and the Pharisees went to Pilate.  “Sir,” they said, “we remember that while He was still alive that deceiver said, ‘After three days I will rise again.’  So give the order for the tomb to be made secure until the third day. Otherwise, His disciples may come and steal the body and tell the people that He has been raised from the dead. This last deception will be worse than the first.”

“Take a guard,” Pilate answered. “Go, make the tomb as secure as you know how.” So they went and made the tomb secure by putting a seal on the stone and posting the guard.

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. ~ Matthew 27:62-66; 28:1

Today is an in-between day. A day firmly wedged in between two very different days:

Good Friday: a day of great sorrow, fear, discouragement and darkness

Resurrection or Easter Sunday: a day of joy, fearlessness, hope and light!

A day of silence, a day of hopelessness, a day of sorrow, a day of waiting (not so patiently) and wondering what the heck is going on, and where is God and what happened to those promises of His anyway? Perhaps this is what Jesus' disciples and His very own mother were experiencing and wondering after His body was laid in the tomb, as they rested and grieved on that Sabbath Day. 

Perhaps, they felt as if they were in a tomb of their own. 

And perhaps this is what you are experiencing in your own life today, too.  Entombed, grieving, you're laying somewhere in-between hurt and healing; hope and Hell. And the silence in there can be deafening sometimes.  I know, because over the years, I've been there way too many times myself. 

But hang on!  Don't give up! Despite whatever it is you're going through, however you're feeling right now, whatever lies the enemy of your soul is bombarding you with, KNOW THIS:

There is hope, and that hope is in our Lord and Savior, our Beloved Brother and Friend, Jesus Christ, Who gave up EVERYTHING, from the moment He arrived on this earth to the moment He breathed His last breath on that Good Friday so long ago, to give you and me EVERYTHING. 

Every hope. Every help. Every healing.

EVERY blessing.  


There is a song whose lyrics begin, 'Come thou fount of every blessing.'  Who is that fount? Jesus is. Everything we need pours forth from Him.

EVERY blessing. Perhaps not the kind we envision and consider to be blessings  -- not the material or tangible kind, like brand new cars, beautiful, immense homes, gorgeous jewelry, loads of cash in the bank (and in our hands), etc.  But the kinds of blessings the Lord knows we need and is delighted to give.

• Are you weak today? He will give you His strength
• Are things chaotic? He will give you His rest and bring things to order
• Are you anxious and worried? He will give you His peace
• Are you afraid? He will give you His courage and boldness
• Are you confused, lost? He will order your steps
• Are you overwhelmed by sorrow?  He will stand with you and give you His comfort
• Are you feeling unloved? He will give you His unfailing and unconditional love
• Are you broken and feeling shattered into a million pieces? He will take those pieces in His hands and send forth His healing upon you

Let Jesus, the Christ, roll away the stone from your tomb of death; step out with Him and into His light and life. The day of resurrection. No longer the day in-between. 

Remember, I am with you always. ~ Matthew 28:20 (HCSB)

Shine, Part One

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.  You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." ~ Matthew 5:13-16

If someone were to offer make my day-to-day life into a reality TV show, what would that look like? What would they – the folks behind the cameras and the viewing audience – see in following me around in my daily activities?  I started thinking about this recently after watching a few episodes of two particular reality shows over the past few days.

I’m not much of a TV watcher anymore. Frankly, for as many channels as there are on cable and satellite TV, there really isn’t a whole heck of a lot out there that I consider worth spending my time watching.  My family, however, loves them some reality TV (and that really drives me crazy).  From American Pickers to Ice Road Truckers; Ink Master to What Not To Wear – a crazy cast of characters always seems to parade across our TV screen nightly and out into our living room.

I’ve caught snippets of some shows; other times, I’ve actually been able to sit down and watch an episode or two with my family. I’ve had a myriad of reactions to what I’ve seen on the screen: laughter, tears, shock, compassion, disgust, appreciation, sorrow, horror, sympathy. 

For the life of me, I cannot comprehend why some people are so willing and eager for total strangers to invade their lives, allowing themselves to be followed around and filmed as they attend to their daily activities; or what possesses them to air their ‘dirty laundry’ for all the world to see. I’m sure we could all come up with plenty of ideas, but that’s not where I’m going with this post.

The other night, I sat down on the couch with my 16 year old daughter to watch a show which centers on a family’s struggle to move forward after the death of a beloved family member. After watching 3 episodes of it (darling daughter had LONG gone to bed while Moi remained), it was clear the show was an obvious, blatant exploitation of this still grieving family. I was really shocked that the family’s matriarch, a God-loving, God-fearing woman, would have sincerely given it her ‘blessing’ and allowed her name to even be associated with it, especially after the disgust and disappointment  she’s expressed over the media’s circus-like coverage of her daughter’s death.  

But even more so, I was saddened by the things I saw played out by a family who says they love the Lord. Besides the many necessary ‘bleeping’ out of certain language, questionable clothing choices and living arrangements, one scene in particular stood out to me that was both pitiful and ironic: a husband and wife engaged in a nasty argument with each other underneath a wall plaque prominently displaying these words:

The next night, I caught some episodes of another show that follows the lives of two gospel singing sisters. I LOVE these gals. Their music has inspired and encouraged me over the years.  But again, the things I saw and heard really gave me pause. I turned off the show, disappointed. Because these women are Christians.  Christ followers. God lovers. Committed to serving the Lord with their gifts, those beautiful singing voices.

But had I not known this, I probably wouldn't have been able to tell they were by what I saw and heard. I would have perceived them as just another couple of celebrity divas with a crazy entourage and a foul-mouthed, greedy manager. 

Please understand and believe me: I am NOT here to criticize, judge or point fingers at the families on these shows. After watching each of these episodes, a great sadness came over me that lasted for several days as I continued to ponder what I had seen. And as I sat in quiet reflection earlier this morning, God’s sweet whisper came to me, as it usually does, to make these musings very personal:

“And what does YOUR life look like, dear one, to those who don’t know Me? If camera crews were to shadow YOU each day, what would they see? Would they see only you, or would they see a reflection of Me? Would they be able to tell that you were Mine?”

Questions that caused me to cringe. I already knew the answers.  

And then more questions – from my heart – like flood waters, came pouring out:

• Do my words -- verbal and written -- honor and glorify the Lord God?
• Do my actions and attitudes befit a daughter of the King?
• Do my eyes reflect Christ’s love?
• Do my facial expressions and body language give off the impression of a kind, gentle, caring and approachable godly woman?

At the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told the crowd that they were to be salt and light. This command remains the same today. And that knowledge brings more pondering. 

Salt and Light, by Bernie Rosage, Jr.

What does it really mean to be salt and light? What will it look like for me and how do I do this?After all, I’m only human. A flawed, imperfect soul. And yet – called to be different.

Not of this world

Set apart

Holy

A journey for another day. I hope you'll join me. 

Shine!

Make 'em wonder what you've got,

Make 'em wish that they were not

on the outside looking bored;

Shine!

Let it shine before all men

Let 'em see good works and then,

Let 'em glorify the Lord ~ Shine, by the newsboys

Legacy

For I am already about to be sacrificed [my life is about to be poured out as a drink offering]; the time of my [spirit's] release [from the body] is at hand and I will soon go free. ~ 2 Timothy 4:6, AMP

Yesterday, I attended the going home service of my beautiful friend, Daveida Wallace, joining together with several hundred other people, to bid her farewell. 

It's been my honor, privilege and delight to be a part of Daveida's life -- not only to have been her friend and to have loved and served her, but to have been loved and served by her. This woman made such an impact on my life and the lives of so many others.  We had only met back in September of 2010, but I felt like I had known her my whole life.  

At the time, neither of us had a clue as to just how entwined our lives would become.   

Daveida was a mother of three, a woman who had been battling breast cancer for some time; she was in pain, exhausted and had been told by her doctors that she'd be lucky if she made it to October.  She was simply looking for help with meals to give her overwhelmed family members a break when she reached out to our pastor for help, who in turn, shared her story and request with my friend Michelle and I, both of us being breast cancer survivors ourselves.  

Daveida told us later she had no great expectations of anything other than a few weeks worth of meals, and perhaps the pastor stopping by once or twice to pray and share some Scripture with her.  She never expected two survivors to come her way and wind up as friends. 

Michelle and I had similar non-expectations.  Even though we'd survived our own cancer journeys, that Saturday morning in September we showed up on Daveida's doorstep, we really weren't sure WHAT to expect as we eyed up the "No Smoking--Oxygen In Use" sign attached to the front door.  I remember the both of us taking a collective breath as we got ready to knock on her door, as if we were preparing to dive into unchartered waters. 

When the door opened, we were greeted by a waif of a woman with barely-there hair, and huge sunken eyes, lugging an oxygen tank behind her. We had to strain to hear her breathless voice as she welcomed us into her home, shared her story, and just before we were ready to go, whispered a prayer over US!


Later that day, though, feeling SO overwhelmed by her many needs, Michelle and I realized something.  We felt -- beyond blessed!!  How was THAT even possible? 

We went to be a blessing to Daveida, but walked away having the tables turned on us. 

Every time we met with her, it was like that. Not just for us, but for everyone else who came to know her in the weeks and months that followed.  Because, thanks be to God, October came and went and our delightful new friend remained among us, defying the doctors dire predictions! (That's our beautiful Dee in the middle, top row!)

Daveida wrote to me once that we'd be sisters forever.  And that will not change just because she has left this world. In fact, I feel an even more special, sisterly connection to her because she passed away on my birthday.  No, I am not angry, hurt, upset by that fact. Because I know that Daveida's with her Savior, Jesus Christ.  She is FREE -- free from all hurt, pain, discouragement, sorrow, disease.  And that is something to celebrate.  Her birth into new life!


For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that  is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God Himself and not by human hands.  We grow weary in our present bodies, and we long to put on our heavenly bodies like new clothing.  For we will put on heavenly bodies; we will not be spirits without bodies.  While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it's not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us.  Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life. ~ 2 Corinthians 5:1-4, NLT


The soul of this precious woman left her body last Thursday evening and headed for her new home -- her home with Jesus.  However, Daveida didn't just leave behind a weary body. She didn't just leave behind a grieving group of family and friends.  She didn't just leave behind memories of brighter, happier, healthier days. No, she left behind much more than that.  

Daveida Wallace left behind a legacy.  

A legacy of love and service to others in need.  A legacy of perseverance and strength in the midst of pain and suffering.  A legacy of encouragement and hope, comfort and joy.   And she didn't leave it laying by the wayside for all of us to look at or comment on or weep over. 


Absolutely NOT!  This woman of faith left behind a legacy for all of us to grab a piece of and run with.  Just like she did.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ~ 2 Timothy 4:7, NIV


As hard as this seems and as much as it hurts for us who loved her dearly, we are called to carry on Daveida's legacy. Pressing on.  Moving forward.  Leaning on our Lord Jesus Christ all the way, following in His steps, like she did.  And we are to lean on one another as well.

Daveida didn't look at life as something to 'get through,' but as a gift to be enjoyed, savored and shared.  

She was pleased and content to be a humble, obedient servant of the Lord, avoiding the limelight and applause, choosing instead to work behind the scenes.  My friend wasn't looking for acknowledgement or accolades or other people's approval.  She was simply doing what every humble, obedient servant of the Lord and child of the Most High God does: shining her light of love in the dark places of this world. 

Last week, Daveida's light was gently, quietly extinguished by her Father God.  

But not before He made sure each one of us who knew her and loved her were touched by that light and have added a portion of her flame to our own that burns for Jesus.  To make our flames that much brighter as we also shine our lights in the dark places of this world. 

May my sister's legacy continue on in all of us.  


Daveida Wallace:
Daughter
Sister
Mom
Grandmom
Auntie
Godmother
Coworker
Friend
Daughter of the King
Good and Faithful Servant
Beloved

I will miss you so much, dear sweet friend.  Sisters forever!!


Until we meet again.................  


I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?  Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy ~ Legacy, by Nicole Nordeman

Worship Song Sunday -- Presence (Hearts Desire) by Newsboys and Jesus Calling Devotional

I'm amazed over and over at how our Lord God speaks a message to us that we need to hear, when we need to hear it.

Just as the weekend was about to begin, I was presented with some information, via a phone call and some emails, that sent family life here into a tailspin. I cannot go into details, but suffice it to say that it has been a rough couple of days, and unfortunately, circumstances may get worse before they get better. I need to stay positive for the sake of someone else, but it's been a moment by moment struggle. 

I chose this particular worship song early on in the week, having no idea just how it, today's devotional message  from the 'Jesus Calling' devotional book and the message from today's sermon at my church would seem to mesh, and how the Lord would speak to me in my particular circumstance through all three of them. Below is the devotional:

"As you turn your attention to Me, feel the Light of My Presence shining upon you.  Open your mind and heart to receive My heavenly smile of approval.  Let My gold-tinged Love wash over you and soak into the depths of your being.  As you are increasingly filled with My Being, you experience joyous union with Me: I in you, and you in Me.  Your Joy-in-Me and My Joy-in-you become intertwined and inseparable.  I suffuse your soul with Joy in My Presence; at My right hand there are pleasures forevermore. "

My pastor preached from the Book of Philippians today, all about having joy despite our circumstances.  Joy is NOT happiness; it's a deep-seated contentment regardless of my circumstances, knowing the Lord God is in control.  My circumstances do not determine my joy, because my joy comes from having the light of Christ's presence inside of me.   

This was a much needed reminder for me today, and it became a soothing balm to my aching heart and soul.   Maybe someone else needs to be reminded of this today as well, or perhaps hear it for the very first time.  Worship and praise the Lord, regardless of your circumstances.  Allow the Light of His Presence to bring you joy.

Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, LORD. - Psalm 89:15

Unequally Yoked, Part 2

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? ~ 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, NKJV)
　
In my last post, I spoke a little about my life as the spouse of a non-believer and ended with the question, ‘what exactly does being unequally yoked mean?’

Well, first of all, after searching some sites, I came to learn that while this Scripture verse is usually brought up to describe a marriage between a believer and a non-believer in Christ, it really is not referring to marriage at all. Paul was actually telling his audience in Corinth that they were to refrain from having anything to do with those who practiced paganism or any kind of ‘dark works.’ Marriage is not mentioned in this particular piece of Scripture; nonetheless, it certainly can pertain to it.

I searched around a bit more and came up with these definitions: The phrase "unequally yoked together" translates from only one Greek word, heterozugeo, which is a compound word that means, "to yoke up differently; to associate discordantly; to unequally yoke together." This phrase is used only one time in the Bible…here in 2 Corinthians. Also, the word "yoke" means a coupling, as when two oxen are coupled together by a pulling beam to plow a field or to pull a wagon. The yoke itself is actually a crossbar with two U-shaped pieces that encircle the necks of a pair of oxen or other draft animals working together.

As I read this, I was hit right between the eyes with two very key words....did you catch them? Working Together. Whoa. When you find yourself coupled with another whose beliefs, visions, desires, dreams, etc., do not line up with your own, especially in a marriage relationship, working together is no longer a feasible activity. Doesn’t matter if it’s two animals or two human beings...one is struggling to go one way, one is struggling to go another and both wind up going nowhere.

There’s pain. There’s conflict. There’s anger. There’s frustration. There’s resentment. There’s no unity. These are pretty fair descriptions of how my marriage and my home life have been for all of these years. There is certainly no fun or comfort to be found when you are so closely and tightly connected to someone with whom you can have no agreement as to which direction to take on life’s pathways. The greatest joy in my life is Jesus, and I cannot share that joy with the one with whom I share my life. And to explain how adversely it's affected our son and our daughter would have to be explained in several separate blog posts.  It’s no wonder I can often become discouraged, depressed, in pain and exhausted emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Earlier this year, I attended my church’s annual women’s retreat. I was intrigued to find out that one of the breakout sessions was for women who are ‘spiritually single’ and I decided to check it out. I found it somewhat odd and almost humorous when the woman who was the facilitator for this session told the group of us that God had 'called' us to this life experience. Really?? Called?? Funny, I don’t feel called, but this idea is something I continue to ponder.

Let me say right here that there are days when I think I will scream and lose my mind if I hear one more person remind me of what it says in Isaiah 54:5: For your Maker is your Husband--the Lord of hosts is His name--and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.


And then there are other days when I can’t seem to turn the pages of my Bible fast enough to get to that section of Scripture to see it in black and white and read it for myself in the hopes of finding comfort by those words of promise.

So…where does this leave me at this point? Where’s the hope? Where’s the encouragement? Am I to forever remain being strangled by this yoke?

I’ve had many people, non-believers and followers of Christ alike, who have told me to remove that spiritually lopsided yoke, RUN like Carl Lewis and never look back. But my Jesus tells me of a different way, a better way. His way. And it’s found in Matthew 11:28-30. My favorite translation is from the Amplified Bible and in it, Jesus says:

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good--not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.”

I love that. Yes, I CAN remove that unequal yoke, replacing it with Jesus’ yoke, His good, wholesome, comfortable, gracious and pleasant yoke. And if I’m going to run anywhere, it should be straight to Jesus and move along the path that He directs me to walk, along with Himself. But how does this all work and what does it mean?

I believe the answer lies in verse 29: “Take My yoke upon you.” The majority of the various translations I checked use the verb ‘take.’ It’s a word that requires action, and it’s an action on MY part. Jesus offers His yoke to me, but I have to make the choice to remove my current yoke, step forward, take His yoke from Him and place myself underneath it. To me, this means I have to stop looking to my husband for validation and relying on him to give to me the joy, peace, rest, comfort, guidance, mercy, grace, forgiveness and ultimately, the LOVE I so desperately seek. I need to stop my whining, complaining and struggling, and accept that at this time, this is just how my life is going to be. Believe me, this isn’t easy to do. But I have to learn to stop my obsessive need to have my spouse satisfy me in all areas, take my constant focus off him as my all in all and instead, turn to the One Who IS my all in all, Jesus Christ, trusting in the things about Him I have come to know to be true:

∙ that His yoke is easy and His burden is light

∙ that He who began a good work in me (and I believe, in my husband and our children)will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus

∙ that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose

∙ that I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day (meaning the return of Christ)

∙ that if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him, for the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife....otherwise their children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy

∙ that love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails
　So it’s a day by day, moment by moment taking off and laying down of such a heavy, mismatched yoke and replacing it with the lighter one that Jesus lovingly offers me. And I’m well aware that much of the time, the only real tried and true love I’m GOING to experience is the love of Jesus. But the fact is, I AM loved. Loved with an everlasting, unconditional, unfailing love, as long as I stay yoked together with my precious Jesus.

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us, oh! ~ How He Loves, by David Crowder Band