Fear Factor

This morning, after my son had pulled out of his parking spot and drove off to work at the ungodly hour of 5:30 AM, I remained standing outside on our tiny front steps, staring up at the moon. 

Even though he is almost 21, I still walk out with him, under the various guises of hanging up our decorative front porch flag, taking some early morning pics, or putting out the garbage and making sure the front door is locked. Sadly, over the past few years, our neighborhood seems to have become home to some pretty unsavory and even dangerous characters, and we’ve come to know the township police officers here on a first-name basis.

I heard a noise near our alley, and felt a chill hit me that didn’t come from the frigid morning temperatures. Literally frozen with fear, I couldn’t move. I held my breath and waited. Nothing happened. No one appeared. 

Breathing out a sigh of relief, I glanced back up in the sky towards the moon, which looked to be fighting to be seen amid some clouds and the tree branches, and this verse suddenly came to mind:

In this life, we never seem to run out of things to fear, do we? Whether due to bad, past experiences (our own or even someone else’s), or because of future unknowns/uncertainties, all of us have a fear factor. 

We don't like to admit it, but we're all afraid of SOMETHING. And, for the most part, not all of us are afraid of the same things.

Some people are afraid of heights (that would be me)

Some are afraid of insects or big dogs or bats (oh my!)

Other folks are afraid of flying, of driving in snowy/icy weather or across bridges, or of public speaking (me once again)

And still others are afraid of the dark or of thunderstorms

At times, it may feel as if our fears, much like the bare, spidery tree branches in the photo above, are reaching up, entangling us and choking the light and life right out of us. 

In the midst of moments or even seasons that appear to be or truly are dark and fearful, we may think "what to do?", as a friend’s son used to say when he was very small.

The only thing you CAN do when you’re afraid: put your trust in God.

Some time ago, not long after I was handed my breast cancer diagnosis and just before I was about to be wheeled into surgery because of it, I was handed something else. Psalm 56:3

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Being a still-wet-behind-the-ears follower of Jesus and pretty much new to Scripture PERIOD (let alone its memorization), I had never heard of this verse. But, like a drowning woman, I grabbed onto it like the lifeline that it was for me (and still is), and held on for dear life!

I repeated it over and over in my head as my journey to the operating room took an unexpected detour to a ‘holding room,’ because the results of an earlier, routine (but obviously pretty important) pre-admission test had not come back yet.

I whispered the verse out loud again and again as medical personnel scurried around me, checking my vitals, making frantic phone calls to the lab for those missing in action test results, and doing their best to reassure me that everything would be fine.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

But this verse REALLY hit home once I was finally brought into the blindingly bright and starkly sterile operating room as several folks from the surgical team lifted me off the gurney and placed me onto the hard, bare operating table, while two others each grabbed an arm of mine and stretched them out to insert more tubes and attach more wires.

It was a frightening moment for me, and a somewhat bizarre thought wormed its way into my brain. I wondered if Jesus had felt that same sickening fear overtake and overwhelm Him as the Roman soldiers stretched His arms out onto the cross? Could the Father have impressed these very words from the Psalms upon Jesus during His time of agony in the garden of Gethsemane? Did He bring them to mind as nails and hammers were poised above His hands and feet? 

Did KNOWING that He could COMPLETELY trust in His Abba bring Jesus some measure of comfort, peace and the strength to endure what was coming at that very moment?

Because they did for me. Those 9 simple words -- “When I am afraid, I will trust in You”  -- plus the realization that Jesus could relate to what I was going through (fear), supernaturally brought me to a place of peace, comfort and the strength to endure what was coming, at the same time removing that fear factor.

And just for the record: although it sounds absolutely unthinkable, outrageous, and even sacrilegious for me to compare my circumstance to Jesus’s, please know that is certainly NOT my intent here. I merely wish to share my thoughts from the moments before my surgery, and to point out that IF that small portion of Scripture had indeed invaded Jesus's thoughts that long ago Friday afternoon, I HAVE TO believe that He surely must have benefited from it as well.

I deposited that verse, securely and permanently, into my heart that day, carrying it with me as I headed off to surgery. I continued to carry it into the second surgery that came along 6 months later. It remained there through the upcoming, draining chemo treatments; through the endless, taxing tests and painful procedures that awaited down the road.

And for all the dark and scary situations and experiences that have confronted-- and continue to confront -- me and my family since then, it remains my ‘go to’ verse.

Beloved - maybe you’ve found yourself in the midst of a dark and scary situation right now:

• The loss of a loved one
• or of a job
• or of a home 
• The shattering of a marriage 
• or of a friendship
• or of a parent/child relationship 
• Or your own health or financial crisis

And that light at the end of the tunnel everyone speaks of?  It seems somewhat hazy and not very bright -- if it can be seen at all. That still, small voice of God others remind you to listen for can often barely be heard above the crashing waves and deafening claps of thunder in your life’s particular storms.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Dear one – may I encourage you and urge you TODAY to grab hold of this verse with both hands? And don't EVER let go. Carry it close to you in the midst of fear and uncertainty; as you walk through the tunnel's darkness and maneuver the raging storms.

  

Memorize it

Meditate on it

Whisper it

Shout it

Believe it

Own it

It’s not a magical incantation. It’s a powerful statement of faith and trust in the only One Who can bring you out of darkness, shelter you in life's storms and factor out your fear. 

Snapshots For His Glory -- Psalm 4:8

Don't allow your worries, fears and anxieties to keep you up all night.  

Cast ALL your cares on our Lord -- and find peace and rest in Him.

An Advent Transformation

'The angel Gabriel from Heaven came,

His wings as drifted snow, his eyes as flame;
"All hail", said he, "Thou lowly maiden Mary,
Most highly favored lady", Gloria!' ~ 'Gabriel's Message' 

'Mary Is Visited By The Angel Gabriel,' by Walter Rane

Hello, my friends. It has been some months since I've posted anything here on my blog. Close to three months, to be exact. 

I'd had every good and sincere intention of quickly posting the promised 'sister' piece to my last post, 'Ministry Minded.' The majority of it is written, with the appropriate pictures and labels in place.

But here in the Draft portion of my blog it sits. Unfinished. Incomplete. Waiting. Because there was/is something missing. Something important. Something vital. Not in the post itself.

No. Something important, something vital is missing in me. Way deep inside. 

And because of this, I've been going through a transformation of sorts. It's been a slow and painful process, one that, truth be told, is quite irritating. One that I'm finding extremely difficult to embrace or accept. One that requires a willingness to obey (sadly, I don't always have that), AND truckloads of patience (oops...don't always have that either). 

One that leaves me drained and uninspired most days.

I feel like a butterfly just wanting to escape from my lonely, stifling cocoon, only to realize it's not time yet for me to emerge. God's hand keeps pulling me back in. 

Because He and I both know there is a need for Him to do so much more work in me.

courtesy of Koiné

Work that becomes more consistent, more intense and more painful with each passing day, as I journey through this particular season of preparation AND transformation known as Advent. 

However, in the suffocating starkness and silence of this cocoon, where the desire and inspiration to write often seems to have altogether disappeared, I felt God gently nudge me to share this very short, yet hauntingly beautiful song called 'Gabriel's Message.' I hope it will bless you as you listen to it.

I've never heard this song before. As I listen to it over and over -- these words that echo Scripture and set to music -- I'm struck by the thought that THIS...this song about the meeting between Mary and the angel Gabriel...can be taken as a story about another woman's Advent. Her time of preparation and transformation. Mary's set of circumstances are NOTHING like mine. And yet -- through this song, I find I can relate so well to her just now. This young woman on the cusp of change.

'Blessed Art Thou Among Women,' by Walter Rane

Mary's world was about to be forever and totally transformed by this strange, frightening, and unbelievably astounding news the angel Gabriel was set to deliver from Almighty God. She had no idea what this odd message from God would truly be preparing her for nor what it would ultimately require of her:

'"For known a blessed mother thou shalt be,
All generations laud and honor thee;
Thy Son shall be Emmanuel, by seers foretold
Most highly favored lady," Gloria!'

And yet, Mary's response shows her acceptance and willingness to obey; with words and heart attitudes that I would do well to echo in my own set of circumstances:

'Then gentle Mary meekly bowed her head,
"To me be as it pleaseth God," she said;
My soul shall laud and magnify His holy name"
Most highly favored lady, Gloria, Gloria!'

Meekness. Humility. Willingness. Acceptance. Obedience. Oh yeah -- all of THOSE vital, important things.

Maybe you are going through similar experiences. Maybe this Advent season is truly one of preparation and transformation for you. I'd love to hear from you, and perhaps we could pray for one another.

May the love, grace, mercy and peace of Christ abound in our hearts and lives this Advent and Christmas season, and in the coming new year, as He continues His great work in each one of us, however difficult, painful and time consuming it may be.

Tender Blessings,
Pam

(all lyrics used are from 'Gabriel's Message,' an original Basque Christmas folk carol, paraphrased into English by Sabine Baring-Gould with musical arrangement by Edgar Pettman; from Sting's 'If On A Winter's Night' CD )

Away To A Quiet Place

'Then Jesus said, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." ~ Matthew 11:28

The past several weeks have been extremely stressful, caused by various situations and encounters with some difficult people in my life.  Yesterday was the clincher, a day that just about drove me over the edge.  A good majority of the time, I felt as if I had a huge weight bearing down on my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. And I spent most of the afternoon and evening battling to keep several panic attacks at bay.

I woke up this morning, with remnants of stress still hanging on.  I felt like a bee trapped inside of a jar and my time alone with the Lord was ruined by the distractions running through my head, like words on those scrolling TV news tickers.

Afterwards, as I prepared to take one of my children to their early morning job, I felt a whisper in my soul:

"Come away with Me to a quiet place."

"Well, alrighty then, Lord. And where might that be?" I wondered.  And as I ran out the door, I grabbed my camera, just in case I got some clearer directions along the way and found the need to document my time wherever I wound up.

Which, of course, I did.

At 6 AM, I found myself at the marina of a nearby park, where a certain bloggy friend of mine, Toni, from over at Lakeside Lessons, often spends some quality time with Jesus.  It was cold, a bit windy and the sun was just beginning to make a glorious appearance.  It was also peaceful, save for the excited cries and chatter between some feathered friends and the sound of the water lapping up on the shoreline.

In the gospel which bears his name, Mark paints a picture of Jesus' disciples returning from a mission to which He sent them.  There is no mention of how long they were away, but as tired as they must be from the journey, they ARE very excited about all they did and everything they've witnessed.  As they're in the midst of sharing with Jesus their stories of preaching, healing and driving out demons, we are told that there are many people coming and going all around them. So much so that they weren't even able to eat a meal. 

That's when Jesus issues this invitation to His weary and hungry friends:

"Come away with Me. Let us go alone to a quiet place and rest for awhile." (Mark 6:31)

Jesus takes them away by boat to a lonely place. Just Him and them.  A place of rest and peace. Because that's what they needed.

And that is where Jesus invited me today. To a place of rest and peace. Just Him and me. Because He knew that's what I needed.

Won't you join me?

Tenth Avenue North -- Worn

Simplify - Time To Refocus

"We do not have to spend 24 hours a day in church to give our time to God. Instead, He simply asks that we constantly refocus our attention on Him, in even the smallest details of our life." ~ Sr. Theresa Noble

Peace Be Still, by C. Michael Dudash

Earnest Prayer, by C. Michael Dudash

"Let us keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, on whom our faith depends from beginning to end." ~ Hebrews 12:2, (GNT)

A Very Merry and Blessed Christmas!

"For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior who is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger." ~ Luke 2:11-12

In The Hands of the Father, by Roger Loveless 

In the coming days, I will be spending time with my family, as well as much needed time with the Lord for contemplation and prayer about some deeply personal matters.  So I want to take this time to wish everyone here a joyous and blessed Christmas, and a very happy and healthy New Year! Thank you all, dear faithful readers, for your treasured support, encouragement and prayers this past year. I will covet them all the more in the coming year!  

Grace and peace to you, my brothers and sisters.

A Living Prayer by Alison Krauss

For I, the LORD, your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the One who helps you. ~ Isaiah 41:13, ESV

An endlessly confusing, exasperating, somewhat troubling and very tiring day.  What a lovely, unexpected gift this was, to come upon this sweet, sweet song just now!  And for me, such a beautiful way to end this day.

May its words and music bring comfort, rest, joy and peace to your mind and spirit.

In Your love I find release,
A haven from my unbelief
Take my life and let me be
A living prayer
My God, to Thee ~ A Living Prayer, written by Ron Block

Empty To Be Filled

Today, I was given a slight reprieve from the waves of depression that have been knocking me down these past few weeks.  I was able to step out from beneath the clouds and out into the warmth and light to write just a wee bit of what I'm experiencing on this dark journey. 


It feels good to be able to write something -- ANYTHING -- again and to be able to just breathe.....


My mind is empty --
Fill it with Your truths 
and promises from Your Word.


My heart is empty --
Fill  it with Your deep love 
and compassion.


My spirit is empty --
Fill it with Your hope, joy
and Your perfect peace.


My soul is empty --
Fill it with You.

 I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it. ~ Psalm 81:10

Waiting For Answers......

Waiting By The Window, by Dee Beard Dean

Finally, peace has come.


All form of movement 
and reckless striving ceased.


Serenity reigns again.


The wind once loud, 
strong and bullying, 
Still blows, but now --
Barely above a gentle whisper.


Finally, the sun 
breaks through the clouds.


Warming the air.


Warming my heart.


Warming me.


Lighting up my bedroom 


Lighting up my life


As I sit by the window
And wait 
for answers.


Answers to 
My prayers.


Answers I am certain
Are on the way……

The Sunrise, by Aracely Calderon

Rest In Your Weariness (from a "Jesus Calling" devotional)

Below  is an excerpt from the "Jesus Calling" devotional book I use during my morning prayer times. Even though it's not this day's actual devotional,  I thought it quite relevant to share here.   This morning, I am beyond weary and on the path to completely exhausted.  The past several weeks have been so busy, busy, busy, with getting things in place for my daughter's 8th grade social and my son's vocational and high school graduations.  Last night culminated in over a decade of public school education for my son, and today, I am the proud mother of a high school graduate and a high school freshman. After my son's graduation ceremony, his school had a chaperoned, locked down, all night celebration at a local college, called 'Project Graduation.' After running all day, and physically and emotionally drained, I had the task of driving him out there at 11:00 PM and picking him up this morning at 6:00. I had about 4 hours of sleep and now it's on to work.


I'm sure many of you can relate, although your circumstances are different. At one time or another, we've all been in 'that place' of weariness.  Maybe today is just that kind of day for you. So as you read the devotional below, I want you to picture yourself sitting on the front porch of a cozy cabin in a wooded area of the mountains, overlooking a beautiful, peaceful lake in the early morning.  The sun is almost up and the temperature is slightly cool.  You're in a cushioned wicker chair, wrapped in a soft, light blanket.  And you’re so very tired. Birds have begun to sing softly, there's a slight aroma of honeysuckle and lilac in the air.  You smile, because Jesus is seated in the chair right next to you.  There is no one else around.  It’s just the two of you, so His entire focus is on you as He leans forward, looks directly into your eyes, and speaks tenderly to you:

"Come to Me for rest and refreshment.  The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.

Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different.  Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be.  You will get through today one step, one moment at a time.  Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway.

This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not.  Your desire to live in My Presence goes against the grain of ‘the world, the flesh and the devil.’  Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents.  However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence."  (Romans 8:28 {AMP}; Psalm 42:11 {NASB})

As you read and visualize yourself within this scenario, may you find Christ's comfort and healing, rest, peace and strength to bring you through the remainder of the day.

Are you looking for someone to be gentle
With your broken heart your shattered dreams
And are you searching for someone who'll be faithful
To you no matter what life brings?
Well I know the Maker of the storm the sunrise
He is both the lion and the lamb
He is strong enough to shake all earth and heaven
Yet meek enough to take me as I am.


He says come unto Me
All who are weary
And I will give you rest
Bring what hurts
Bring your scars
Bring the load that you carry
And I will give you rest ~ Nicole C. Mullen